The Imprint Is Always There
by Awinterchill
Summary: Susan was left alone after the last battle. Now she must face the world haunted by memories. She soon finds herself trying to unlock the mystery of Narnia while discovering that she alone must fulfill her elder brothers last wish. Please R&R.
1. Broken and Alone

**Based on the Songs "Fields of Innocence" and "Understanding" by Evanescence. I did a short one chapter story for this awhile back, since then I have established a really nice plot line I could do around the song. This is based on Susan's life after The Last Battle, and the death of her siblings. I'm making Susan 21 because I am not exactly sure of the age she would have been by then.**

**- A Winter Chill**

"We all know the great loss to people this tragic accident has caused..." The preacher said, "we must come together to comfort those who have lost loved ones, and remind each other of the joy they are experiencing in heaven."

_What joy? _A young girl with dark hair sat in the back of the church next to her aunt in uncle. She had lost her parents and her four siblings to the train wreck.

"And though we must mourn them," the preacher went on, "we know that one day we will see them again. Let us bow our heads and pray."

Susan Pevensie stubbornly left her head up for she found no comfort in the prayer. She had no faith left to believe that there could possibly be any life beyond death. How could there be? It defied the logic and reason that her life had been structured around. It defied her basic style of life, for she had always lived for the moment she was in and she had not dare to dwell on the future. For now her future was herself, alone. 21 years of believing in nothing had left her hollow. But had she always believed in nothing?

* * *

"What can we do for her," Mrs. Scrub asked her husband. They looked at Susan who sat in the far back of the church, seemingly hiding form everything and everyone.

"We can't do anything for her," Mr. Scrub said. The couple were her aunt and uncle, "She is shutting us out, she just needs to be left alone for awhile."

"I mean financially," Mrs. Scrub said, "we have only ourselves to care for now, and it'd be nice having some more company around the house." They had lost their son Eustace in the crash. Mrs. Scrub was overcome with grief for the loss of her only child.

"She rented an apartment in London yesterday," Mr. Scrub said, "and she has a good job in the city so I don't think she'll want to leave

"It's a shame we have all lost so much," Mrs. Scrub said looking back at the girl who was screaming on the inside yet had hardened herself to face the world. There was nothing they could do for her now.

* * *

Susan now sat in her room letting her pain show where there was no one to watch. Tears flowed freely down her face as she let out cries of anguish. How could this happen to her? She had never had very much but now she had nothing. Perhaps she had not been thankful for the things she had before. In her pain she saw distant memories haunting her, things that had pained her to the point where she had willingly forgotten them.

_The imprint is always there, nothing is ever really forgotten._ She heard in her mind. She then got up off her bed and opened her window. A cold wind blew around her as a memory, like a buried dream raced through her head. It was a memory of a lamp post in a snowy wood. She tried to grasp it but it faded denying her the right to see it.

_I still remember the world from the eyes of a child_ sang a voice in her head

_slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now_

_where has my heart gone_

_an uneven trade for the real world_

_O I, I want to go back to_

_Believing in everything_

_and knowing nothing else_

She turned from the window putting the voice out of her head; she had never believed in anything. Now she must turn and face the world alone, for there was no other way she would survive if she did not.


	2. Jobs and Boyfriends

**This chapter basically sets up Susan's life! Enjoy**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

"Susan!" said a woman with light hair. She was carrying a folder of papers. Susan rolled her eyes, people should know better than to interrupt her when shes on the phone. She turned to the woman and put a finger to her lip, telling the girl to be quite. The girl was an intern at the office and didn't really understand most of the rules there.

"...thats just fine Mr. Baker... no, we withheld that story for a reason... if you want to talk to our chief editor why don't you phone him... well sir I am not here for that reason, again that is the chief editors job... alright... yeah... I understand your concern... good day Mr." Susan hung up the phone then turned to the intern. People were so crabby about what they read in the paper, it was almost to much for her sometimes.

"What is it," Susan asked the intern.

"Mr. Clawson said he wants to see you now," the intern said, "he sounded very upset." The phone rang.

"Tell him i'll be right over," she said, "Clawson times and publishers, this is Miss Pevensie speaking how can I help you..." The intern walked toward the main greeter in the office.

"Is she always so cold?" the intern asked the greeter who's name was Alison.

"Its a more recent thing," Alison said, "she use to be a very fun person to be around but lately she's very secluded." Alison had know Susan for two years, since she had started as an intern at the office. Susan had been quickly promoted, and though she was younger than most of the people working in the office, she was very well suited for the job. She had previously been a social light of London and had enjoyed her parties, but recently things were different.

"Why isn't she very nice anymore?" the intern asked.

"She lost her family in the big train wreck a couple of months ago," Alison said, "they had told her to go cover the story with another reporter and she broke down on the site of the wreckage when she realized what train it was. Since then she's just been very cold. Wouldn't we all be cold if we had lost that much?"

"I guess so," the intern said, "thats one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

* * *

"Miss Pevensie," Mr. Clawson said addressing Susan very firmly, "Clawson Times is doing very very well indeed since you arrived." Mr. Clawson was an older man in his 50s, who had been publishing books and newspapers for 20 years.

"Thank you sir," she said, wondering why she had been asked into his office just to hear about how well the company was doing.

"You are probably wondering why you were asked here," Mr. Clawson went on.

"I don't really have an idea sir," she said flatly.

"Well, you were asked here because our Clawson Publishers isn't doing so well." Susan was silent waiting for him to continue, "We lack good books coming to our presses. Our authors are all dry, our readers are tired of it! We need to appeal to the masses!"

"Where do I come in there," she asked quizzically.

"Do you know who we need to reach?"

"No sir."

"We need to reach young people and children at the same time," he said, "and you are just the person to help with that."

"How?" She asked.

"You are young yourself! Only you know what people your age like to read!" he said loudly, "I am making you one of our agents."

"What?" she said just as loudly, "I am an editor and reporter, not a book agent."

"Author agent to be exact," he said.

"But sir, I've never done that sort of thing before."

"Listen, Miss Pevensie," he said looking her in the eye, "I know you can do this! All the job is, is interviewing young authors and reading there works. Then once you find a good one you bring it here."

"I'll see what I can do sir," she said. Though she was not interested in the job, the money was worth her time.

"Thank you Miss Pevensie, I can always depend on you."

* * *

"...No sir... we are not interested in that type of story... you need to understand that is just not front page news... calm down sir... I am sure they would love to publish that story for you... yes call and tell me how many readers you get... good day sir." Susan hung up the phone, she was tired of hearing about people who claimed to have good stories. She was tired of smiling every time another reporter came in with something for her to approve. She could not wait for the clock to move so she could go home an sleep.

"Hey Susie," she heard a voice in front of her say. She had been staring down at an editorial she had been writing.

"James," she said looking up, a small half smile crept to her lips. He stood in front of her handsomely, like a knight in shining armor come to rescue her.

"I know, I am not sup-post to be here," he said, "but I wanted to ask you if you would like to come to the theater tonight with me." He smiled and held up two tickets.

"Not tonight James," she said apologetically, "I am so busy, I have so many papers to edit, and a new job and I just can't."

"Come on," he begged, "it will make you feel better." She looked back down at her papers. James had been trying to make her feel better since the accident, but none of it had worked so far. The theater reminded her of Lucy who had always enjoyed seeing the movies. Sports games reminded her of Edmund who had loved sports. Parties reminded her of when her parents use to leave her and Peter in charge of the two youngest. Everywhere in London gave her a painful memory.

"No James," she said softly, "it won't make me feel better. Nothing can do that now." She looked at him sadly.

"I understand," he said putting his hand with the tickets down, "but I'll be back!" She smiled slightly. Life was just getting so much harder to bear.


	3. Inheritance and Letters

**Now she will be brought back to the place where it all began**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

Susan sat on a couch in the living room of her apartment. She stared at the windows in front of her. From them she could see her family's home. The family lawyer had helped her settle the home. She sold most of the furniture, some of it she brough to the apartment. She also had boxes of some of her siblings things piled in the living room.

She stood up and approached a box of things that had belonged to Lucy and opened it. On top of a large amound of things was a diary that Lucy had written. Tears rolled down Susan's eyes as she glimpsed her sisters handwriting. She turned to the middle of the book, where Lucy's handwriting got better and she read an entry.

_Dear Diary_

_Its been 3 weeks since me and Edmund returned from Narnia and though we were told that we would never go back I know we will. I miss Reepicheep, Tumnas, and Trumpkin. Most of all I miss HIM, my dearest closest friend..._

The page was blotted so Susan could not read the word written. She puzzled over the entry. Narnia? What was Lucy talking about. Edmund went to? Where? Narnia? She then realized that Lucy had a habit of pretending things and she had probably made up some adventure and dragged her brother into it. Susan then put the diary down and moved over to the box of Edmund's stuff. It was filled with many books and sports equipment. Edmund also had some fencing equipment there, he was one of the top fencers in London even at his young age.

Lastly she opened the box of Peters things which was mostly empty. Peter did not live with the family. He had moved to live with Professor Kirk after he had graduated from Oxford. He had studied many different things but he mainly focused on Medieval legends and fantasy. She had once heard him mention a book he was writing. Tears continued flowing doe her face as she remembered her strong older brother. She cried as she realized that she would never be able to read his book.

Standing up she opened Lucy's box again and pulled out a book of things Lucy had drawn. Lucy was an amazing artist and every picture in the book was filled with great detail. In the middle of the book was one that caught Susan's eye. The pictue was of a Lion, both great and beautiful but also terrible. Susan could not read the inscription at the bottom of the page but she looked into the eyes of the picture. She suddenly felt a familiar strange sensation.

_I still remember the world form the eyes of a child_

_Slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now_

_Where had me heart gone?_

_An uneven trade from the real world_

_Oh I, I want to go back to_

_Believing in everything_

_And knowing nothing else_

_I still remember the sun always warm on my back _

_Somehow it seems colder now_

_Where has my heart gone_

_trapped in the eyes of a stranger_

_O I, I want to go back to believing in everything._

It was as if a song was playing in her mind. A memory hit her. There was a lion, and a pavilion. The we kneeling before him. It once again slipped away. She slammed the book closed and looked up toward the window. The sun was setting, but for her it had already set.

* * *

"I'm looking for a Miss Susan Pevensie, I was told I could find her here," a tall man with grey hair asked Alison. He had a suit on and held a brief case in his hand. Susan was at her desk examining a list of young aspirating authors which she had to deal with soon.

"She is over there sir," Alison said, "though a little busy so I caution you that she may be a little upset by an interruption."

"Yes madam," me said bowing then walking over to Susan's desk.

"Miss Susan Pevensie?" he said. Susan looked up from her work slightly. She was shocked to see someone so important looking before her.

"Yes that is me," she said.

"I am Mr. Manson," he said holding his hand out to her.

"Pleased to meet you," she said shaking his hand. She did not smile though. The incidents of the night before had left her a little out of sorts.

"I am the type of man who likes to get straight to the point," he said, "so I won't waste your time. I am the lawyer of Professor Digory Kirk. You know him of course."

"Yes sir," she replied slightly surprised to hear the name of her brothers good friend when she realized that he had died in the train wreck as well. She looked down at some of the papers she had on her desk.

"The reason I am here is his estate," the man went on, "he seems to have left everything to you." She looked up suddenly with a look of shock on her face.

"Are you sure?" she asked stumbling for words.

"Yes quite sure," the man said opening his brief case, "Professor Kirk came to me a few years ago with some names saying they were a list of his inheritors." The man then pulled out some papers. "The estate was originally left to your brother Peter, but it was stated in the will that if Peter was also gone or unable to receive the estate then everything would pass to you." He held the papers out.

She took them and saw the amount of money she was being left along with the estate.

"Are you sure that I am the right person," she stumbled again over her words. She had spoken to the professor many times before, in fact her and her siblings had stayed with him during the great war. She was overall shocked that he would consider her as someone to leave everything to.

"You are Miss Susan Pevensie are you not?" he asked with a smile on his face. She nodded.

"But why me?" she asked dumbfounded.

"He left a letter for you," the man took out a letter with her name on it, "and you see he has not family, you are the only one on his will that is actually alive. Your two younger siblings were next in line."

"I just can not believe it," she spoke the words emptily.

"Well you better believe it," he said with a smile, "you are now a very wealthy woman." She stook shoked as he went over all the details of the will to her.

* * *

Susan sat in her living room again, this time holding the letter from the professor. She opend it and began reading.

_Susan,_

_If you are reading this I assume that Peter and I are both gone, probably to Narnia. You may be puzzled upon receiving this letter along with the massive amount of money and land I am leaving to you. I just want to let you know that there is a reason for everything. I was going to leave it to Peter alone, when he came to me one night and told me that he did not think that he would be around to receive it. He felt the pull of Narnia, Susan as did I. I went to my lawyer and made a list of people to pass everything to should Peter not survive. I realized that you may be the only one left of them. Though you no longer believe in Narnia, I caution you to look beyond what is logical and reasonable. You grew up too hard Susan. You may still be running from the reality of Narnia. I am telling you now that HE may have to bar you from peace should you keep your back turned on your true self. Queen Susan the gentle of the golden age of Narnia._

_I now tell you that when you get to the house there is a letter from Peter waiting for you in the wardrobe. I hope that you dear one find it somehow in your heart to believe again in the power that made you who you were today. Surely you can not have become so hard as to forget all that you had learned. Be safe DLF and find us somehow. We are waiting for you in the land beyond, come join us soon._

_-Professor Digory Kirk_

Susan looked up from the letter puzzled. She did not remember Narnia. What she did remember was a game that she had played with her siblings. That was it, Narnia was not a real place, just a game. She stood up and looked through Lucy's diary again and came upon one entry that caused her to cry more.

_Dear diary_

_I mourn for Susan, for I feel his call on me and I know that she will not be coming back with us. She has turned her back on Narnia and on..._

The area was once again blottched out of her sight. Would she never know who this mysterious person they were telling her about was? Was it her lot in life to suffer?


	4. Book and Vacation

**Short, I know but its kinda late and I am really tired, I'll try to have more next time.**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

"Mr. Clawson," Susan approached her boss with a request to go on leave for a couple of weeks. She wanted to go visit the estate that was now in her possession. She hoped to maybe sell it and all the historical artifacts in it but she didn't know. There was an emotional attachment that she knew she would feel; that house was where her older brother Peter had lived. She felt that her and Peter had grown distant before his death and she wanted anything to bring her closer to him.

"Miss Pevensie!" He said excitedly standing up holding something, "you are just the person I wanted to see!"

"Why?" she asked.Hopefully he didn't want her to do some job that would require her to stay around.

"Because I got this manuscript in the other day, I want you to read it and tell me weather or not you like it," He handed her a large stack of papers. She looked down at the title and was shocked.

_Narnia: The Death of Winter_

_by Peter Pevensie_

"Where did you get this?" She asked, "thats my brothers name."

"I thought that he might be your brother," Mr. Clawson said, "it was sent in by a young man named Alexander Lee, who said that the writer was now dead but his last wish was that his book get published by this company."

"This can't be happening, Peter never finished his book," Susan still was struck by what she was holding.

"I think it is just what we are looking for," Mr. Clawson went on, "I want you to read it and tell me what you think. So what did you want to talk to me about." he looked up from the manuscript; there were tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Yes," she said, "I wanted to request 3 weeks off to see an estate I just inherited."

"Thats perfectly fine..." the old man put a hand on her shoulder, "I have noticed you needed time off, but you can take the book with you and read it during that time. As soon as you approve it, off to the press it goes." With that he went into his office. Susan held the manuscript close to her, and hoped that she'd get a chance to meet this Alexander Lee.

* * *

"Goodbye Susie," James said giving her a hug before she boarded the train, "I'll come visit you soon."

"James..." she trailed off, "I'm sorry things between us just didn't work." They had broken up a few days ago. Susan had acknowledged that there was no spark between them. James was fine because he realized it to, though he hadn't said anything because he didn't want to hurt her. They agreed that being friends was just better.

"In a way they did," he said with a smile, "I just want you to know that I care about you and I will always be here for you."

"Thank you for everything," she said walking toward the train, "and I hope you find your perfect match.

"I know you'll find someone," he said waving to her, "and if you are lonely give me a call."

"I will," she said. He was the best friend she had left, their agreement had not changed that.


	5. Dream and Brother

**Thanks to all who are commenting, I am becoming quite attached to this story! I love some of the charaters I have coming next!**

**-A Winter Chill**

--

"_Susan," she heard a voice. There was darkness all around her, then she saw a doorway standing 10 feet ahead of her. Standing in the doorway was Peter._

"_Peter," she cried out. She tried to run to him but she couldn't move._

"_Susan," he repeated, "how could you forget us, how could you forget you land, how could you forget yourself."_

"_No Peter, I didn't mean to," she cried out still struggling trying to move._

"_It's not to late Susan," he said. Then she saw Lucy and Edmund standing next to him._

"_Susan," Lucy yelled, "Come back to us before its too late, we're waiting for you." Susan moved trying to reach the doorway. Then she saw it was closing and she heard a voice._

"_The door will soon be bared, your in a race against time. You have one more chance."_

"_No," she cried out, "no, no, Peter, Lucy, Edmund!"_

"_We're waiting for you Sue," Edumnd said as the door closed. She was enveloped in a terrible darkness. Suddenly she was able to move, so she ran forward to where the door was and there was nothing._

"_Its to late," she heard a cold voice say, "you are mine now." She turned around and saw a terrible woman, with blond hair dressed in white. She looked hard and cruel. Susan stumbled over backwards. She looked up and the woman raised a wand toward her._

"_No," she yelled in terror._

--

Susan awoke from the dream in a cold sweat and realized she was still in the train.She looked around her in fear, the dream had been so real. She looked down and on her lap was Peters book, she still had not opened it. She pulled of the string that held the manuscript and opened to the dedication. She saw this written on it:

_For my dearest little sister Lucy who not only helped me discover Narnia, but has also advised me in what to write in this book. I thank her dearly for everything she has done._

Susan looked up, a tear formed in her eye. She remembered when all the Narnia talk had began, it was a place Lucy had made up during the war to help them escape the harsh realities of what was going on around them. Susan remembered Lucy even saying it was real, but Susan knew better. It was all a game they had played; nothing more. She looked at the pasing fields as she reminded herself over and over that it was all a game.

Soon she opened to the next page. The whole first chapter was about the four Pevensie childerns experiences during the bombings. Susan soon realized that this was like a autobiography for Peter, he was detailing a story that he believed happened to him. Perhaps he would explain in the book that Narnia was a made up place. She dearly hoped that he wouldn't confuse anyone. She was appalled that at his age he still played those games with Lucy and Edmund, she would have thought that they would all grow up and stop pretending. She then remembered her dream; why were they waiting for her.

--

Susan got off the train at the small country train stop. It was a little less beaten and battered as she had remembered. She looked around it as memories of standing on the platform with her siblings filled her mind. She walked off the platform and looked up the road waiting for the housekeeper just as she had done years before. She saw in the distance a horse and carriage coming up the road and wondered how Mrs. Macready had not gotten a horseless carriage yet.

"Miss Susan Pevensie," Mrs. Macready said stopping in front of her. Susan looked at the many bags she had brought; since she planned on staying a long time and maybe even living in the house she had decided to bring quite a lot of things.

"Mrs. Macready, I am pleased to meet you again," she said. The woman looked a lot older than she had remembered. Susan realized that she was probably near death.

"I am pleased to meet my new boss, I hope I may continue to manage the estate under you," She said to Susan.

"Yes," Susan said, "I was going to ask you to stay, I am unsure how to manage the house." Susan started putting her bags in the back of the carriage.

"I can help you miss," Mrs. Macready said.

"It's alright," Susan said, "I got it." She finished putting her bags in the back of the carriage and then sat next to Mrs. Macready who drove her up to the house. She remembered when she had first seen that enormous home with her siblings. Fresh tears threatened to spill but she held them back. The carriage stoped in front of the house. Susan was about to take out her bags when an older man rushed to her aid.

"I am Mr. Walters," he said introducing himself, "I take care of most of the grounds madam."

"Thank you for your consideration," she said. Mrs. Macready then came and assisted Susan in carrying some of her bags. Mr. Walters took care of the horse and carriage.

As Susan entered the house memories tried to flood her mind; she blotted them out knowing that they threatened to bring out fresh tears.

"Do you have a long distance telephone installed?" Susan asked the housekeeper.

"Yes," the housekeeper responded, "you'll find we've kept up with most of the latest technology, but we couldn't bear to retire the horses." Susan was surprised at the general niceness of the house keeper; She remembered quite a different person. The housekeeper led her to a room upstairs.

"This place is incredible," Susan said, "I can not really believe it; I mean coming back here after all this time."

"This is one of the main rooms with the best view," Mrs. Macready said. Susan walked inside and was in awe of how large it was. She then remembered what she had wanted to ask.

"Where did Peter stay?" She asked the elderly housekeeper.

"I'll take you there, I should have known you'd want to see that," Mr. Macready led her to another large room. Susan only glimpsed inside and she saw traces of her brother everywhere.

"Down the hall was his study, we left everything the way it was when he left for London that one morning." Susan was amazed by how much the simple room reminded her of her brother.

"Thank you, Mrs. Macready," Susan said giving the housekeeper a hug.

"I'll return to my duties," the elderly housekeeper said, "feel free to explore, the house is yours."

--

Susan opened the door to Peter's study and walked inside. There she saw many books, journals, and papers stacked all around the room. She looked toward the main desk which was clean except for a few stacks of papers. She then walked toward the desk and picked up one stack.

_Note on Characters of Narnia_

She looked at it for a moment, and decided to see what the other papers were. She picked up the next stack.

_Lucy's Drawings of Narnia_

Susan remembered the beautiful artistry she had found in her sisters book and she started looking through the pictures. The first one she came to was of a lamp post in a snowy forest, similar to the memory that she had had a few days before. She was amazed to find her memory perfectly portrayed in this photo. She looked at the next one which was of a faun carrying a large amount of packages. Somehow something inside her stirred with recognition. A few pictures later she found one of a lion, just like the first one. It was staring at her, yet she did not know why she felt strange when she looked at it. She put the stack of drawings down as fresh tears came to her eyes.

She then walked over to something she recognized. There in a far corner of the room was a wardrobe. The wardrobe that Lucy had claimed led to Narnia years ago. Susan remembered how silly they had all been to make up Narnia with Lucy. She walked over to it and saw the lion carved into an area of the wardrobe. She dropped her hand in disbelief. This lion was popping up everywhere Narnia was.

She proceeded to open the door of the wardrobe. It was empty. She then decided to walk inside, though she didn't know why. She felt a strange sensation as if she had done this before but once she got to the back it was all over. She put her hands on the wood and let her tears fall. The last time she had seen this wardrobe was with her siblings. She would never see them again.

She sat down with her back to the back of the wardrobe letting herself cry again. Would if ever end? The pain she felt was still very present even after 3 months. She moved her hands along the bottom on the wardrobe when she felt a piece of paper. She picked it up and got out of the wardrobe. When she came into the light she realized that it was an envelope with her name on it: she then remembered the Professors letter. This was Peter's last letter to her. Realizing what she was holding, Susan tore at the envelope and took out the letter.

_Dear Susan, I am sure by this time you have become aware of your inheritance and that you have heard of my book. Sue, words are difficult to find at this time. I am gone now, and I know what you must be suffering alone there in the cold world, but Sue I want to help you. I had my friend Alex send my book to the publishing company you work at because I wanted you to read it so bad should I die. I want you to remember, to see, to hear the sights and sounds of Narnia again. You willingly abandoned Narnia when you heard that you would never be coming back! I know because I almost did the same thing! I felt that it would be better to forget than to never see it again, but that is wrong. Susan we really were going to be able to go back, when we were done with our lives there. Now my life is over where you are, but be assured that I am now in Narnia. Susan HE wants you here! HE's been trying to call you from afar, but you haven't listened. It's not to late! Get my book published, and search my things for I have written 5 others. They are "The Chronicles of Narnia" and it is up to you to make sure they make it to the world. We are waiting for you Sue, but as we wait we know that you have a life to live there and that when it is all over we will be reunited. Do not loose faith for ASLAN still is waiting for you. He has made provision for you should you heed the signs and follow them. I hope that you will be here soon. - Your loving brother, Peter Pevensie._

Susan put down the letter and looked toward the windows as it begun to rain. How would she ever be able to believe again? Was what Peter telling her true?


	6. Friend and Vision

**More of Susan's Journey of self discovery! Pleas review. I know a lot of people have added this to their story alert, but it helps me if you review! I have had a lot of criticism on my other story so I wonder if that is affecting this story. Please let me know if it is unoriginal because then I can re-think my next story.**

**This chapter is probably kinda short but I just wrote a huge chapter for my other story so I am kinda tired.**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

"Miss Pevensie," Mrs. Macready said entering Susan's room. She was there reading more of Peter's manuscript.

"Yes," Susan said looking up. The story that Peter had written had intrigued her so. Peter had single handedly captured the whole family in the descriptions of them; inside the story she felt as if they were near again.

"There is a Mr. Lee downstairs to see you," Mrs. Macready said then added in a more somber tone, "he was one of Peter's friends." Susan recognized the name as the man who had sent in the book. She instantly got up and Mrs. Macready showed her into the parlor in one of the downstairs rooms. She then saw Mr. Lee standing waiting for her. He was obviously a country boy; very young, simply dressed but also very handsome.

"Pleased to meet you sir," she said extending a hand toward him, "I am Susan Pevensie." He grasped her hand.

"I am Alexander Lee," he said, "it is a pleasure to finally meet a member of Peter's family. He was a great friend, we had a lot in common."

"Won't you sit down Mr. Lee" Susan asked motioning to a nearby sofa.

"No thank you," he said, "I have to leave soon, I just came by to welcome you to the neighborhood."

"Thats very kind of you," Susan said though she dearly wanted to ask him to tell her all about her brother.

"I trust that you are now in possession of Peter's book," he stated, "Peter told me that on the event of his death I must publish it at the company he said his younger sister worked at."

"I do have his book," she replied, "they await my approval before sending it to the presses."

"Well, I just wanted to welcome you and let you know that I live with my family a few miles away; Mrs. Macready knows our number. If you are ever in need of any assistance just give us a call."

"I will, thank you sir." He then started to walk out the door and suddenly turned around.

"I am very sorry for your loss, it has been really hard for the folks around here as well." She looked at the ground as tears threatened to come up again. "We loved Peter and the Professor. They were voices of wisdom in our community; and I dearly hope that you will not lock yourself up here. I hope that you will take the time to meet everyone as we all dearly want to meet you; Peter held you in the highest regard."

"Thank you sir," she said, "but I fear that I am nothing like Peter. I would disappointed you all."

"Well I must go," he said, "good day Miss. Pevensie."

"Good day Mr. Lee."

* * *

Susan explored more of the house that day. She found that there were many rooms throughout it and became particularly inspired by the music room. In it was a beautiful grand piano. Susan was drawn to it as she had not played piano since before her family's death. After that she did not visit the family home, so she had not seen a piano. She walked over to it and lay a hand on the keys. She saw a nearby piece of music lying on top of the piano. She played a line while still standing up, then she turned away and left the room.

She didn't want to remember the family gatherings, where Lucy would play beautiful pieces. She didn't want to remember really far back when her and Peter had first started learning how to play, how they would play duets for the family. She wanted the memories to be blotted out and erased.

She walked toward a boor that led into the back yard. Once out there she realized how extensive the grounds were. She saw that there was a forest back there, and she walked on toward a stream. It was all so beautiful that it took her in, offering her the peace that she had missed for so many months. For a brief moment she actually felt a slight feeling of happiness. She became so lost in it all that she decided to wade in the stream.

She walked through the stream and wandered into an apple grove on the other side. The apples tasted beautiful and fresh. She the heard a voice behind her.

"Peter," she was shocked; the voice belonged to Lucy. She turned and saw Lucy on a hill! She then saw behind Lucy, Peter running. Both were dressed medievally.

"There's Susan," Lucy said pointing toward Susan who started to run toward them. Peter ran and stood behind Lucy.

"Come one Sue," he said to her. She then blinked and they were gone. She squealed in fright and ran to where they had been standing to find nothing there. With that she collapsed in tears having nothing left to do.

"You're gone forever," she said, "I'll never see you again." She then looked up to the sky where fresh clouds had gathered and cried out in anguish. There truly was nothing left for her in the world as it the clouds began to rain on her.


	7. Get Well and Publish

**Susan will soon discover that she is less alone than she thought. Now she must recover from what she saw.**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

"Do you think she'll be alright doctor," Susan woke to hear Mrs. Macready's voice.

"Yes," she heard another voice she couldn't place, "she jut needs rest; probably will have nothing more than a common cold." Susan opened her eyes to find herself in her room and there standing over her were Mrs. Macready and an elderly man, presumably the doctor. Susan soon remembered what had happened to her and put it out of her mind for it was to painful.

"She's waking up doctor," Mrs. Macready's voice sounded worried. Susan then opened her eyes and tried to sit up.

"What happened?" she asked them.

"You were out in the rain and we couldn't find you," Mrs Macready said.

"You should stay indoors during storms around here," the doctor said. Then Susan saw someone else walk in the room; Mr. Lee. She looked around wondering what else had happened.

"How did you find me?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

"We're ready to go father," Mr. Lee said to the doctor.

"Good day Miss Pevensie," the doctor said picking up his bag, "get well soon." He walked out and Mr. Lee nodded goodbye to her.

"We had a sight of trouble finding you," Mrs. Macready said, "so we called the Lee's. Mr. Alexander's father is the doctor around here and we figured if you were in the rain you'd need him. Alexander found you in the grove." Susan sat up amazed.

"What happened to me," she asked.

"You were mumbling something about being alone when he brought you back," Mrs Macready said standing up, "then you mentioned Peter but I presume it hurts to speak of him."

"I am sorry I caused you so much trouble," Susan said, "I was talking a walk and..." she debated whether to continued then added, "things just happen." Though she knew what had happened to her was not natural and wondered if she was going crazy.

"Well," Mrs. Macready said with a caring smile, "be thankful we have good neighbors." Susan smiled at that, she had only begun to meet them.

* * *

Later that day Susan sat down to read the rest of Peter's book. I was amazing to her how vivid the details were in it that she felt like she was in another world when she read it. She wondered how Peter's imagination had gotten so big as she turned each page. By the late afternoon she had finished the whole book. She then got up and walked toward a desk near her bed, there he wrote a letter to Mr. Clawson.

_Mr. Clawson,_

_I have finished my read of my brothers book and I find it quite intriguing. I think that with its vivid descriptions, imaginative language, and exciting characters it should be sent to the presses immediately. Therefore I am disclosing the manuscript with this letter and telling it to publish it whenever you want. Younger readers will certainly devour this book the way I have. I also want to let you know that I have discovered that my brother wrote 5 other books as well and I hope that you'll publish them also if I ever find them._

_-Susan Pevensie_

She finished her letter, then wrapped the manuscript up in brown paper and tied the letter to it. She then called Mrs. Macready and told her to have the package mailed as soon as she could.

--

A couple days later Susan was up and about around the house searching Peter's study for his next book. She enjoyed her brothers imagination and longed to be drawn back into his beautiful world of fantasy. After an hour of searching she decided to give up for the day when Mrs. Macready walked in.

"Miss Pevensie," Mrs. Macready said holding something, "I have an invitation for you to the Lee's annual picnic this Saturday." She held it out to Susan who took it.

"I don't know if I shall be able to go," Susan said looking up from it.

"I think you should," Mrs. Macready said, "it would be an excellent way to meet the people around here." Susan smiled at the elderly woman.

"Alright, only if you go with me," Susan said. Mrs. Macready looked surprised.

"Master Peter use to make me come as well," she said quietly and Susan saw tears form in her eyes, "he said that I needed a day to relax every once in awhile." Susan then suddenly hugged the older woman who she now realized was feeling as much pain as here with the loss of two dear friends.

"It's alright," Susan said letting the older woman go, "We'll get through this." Mrs. Macready then straightend up seriously again.

"I will go with you mama," she said.

"Call me Susan," Susan responded, "please."

"Thank you then, Susan," she said with a smile, "and here is another letter from the publisher in London." Susan gladly took it and Mrs. Macready left the room. She hastily opened the letter and was excited about what it said.

_Dear Miss Pevensie_

_Out other book reviewers also loved the book, so it will be on the presses this week and hopefully will be released next month. It is a shame your brother is not alive to see this moment, he would have been proud. If this one does well we would enjoy publishing those other ones you talked about in your last letter. Thank you for being a good worker. - Mr. Clawson.  
_

* * *

Susan resumed her search that evening and finally made a discovery. In one of Peter's desk doors was he second book.

_Narnia: The Defeat of Telmar_

_Peter Pevensie_

She smiled with delight at her discovery and brought the whole manuscript to her room where she proceeded to read it. She remembered the day when they were in the country station pretending that they had gone to Narnia. She did not much remember what adventure they had invented that day but she did remember that it was her last.

In that moment something hit her. Peter had said something in his letter about a last adventure. She shrugged it off as conincidence once again telling herself that Narnia was a fantasy world and not at all real. She found herself crying again and wondered if the pain would ever leave; if she would ever be able to get on with her own life.


	8. Picnic and Discovery

**Now time to start a more romantic relationship for Susan. Poor Susan. And I was reading "The Voyage of The Dawn Treader" again today when i noticed that it said that the Professor had become poor. I am going to disregard that because I forgot about it, and it works so much better if Susan is in the home where it all began so, thats gone.**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

The Saturday of the picnic came and Susan was quite overcome. She did not feel much like meeting new people, but she knew that Peter had know these people and any connection to her brother was a good one. That morning when she woke up she looked through her things and noticed that most of them were black. She had been wearing black since the accident and she was not about to stop. She selected an outfit that she thought would work for the outing and pinned part of her hair back. She was now ready.

She met Mrs. Macready by the door and they both proceeded to a cab that Susan had called up. Mrs. Macready told the driver the address of the picnic and he drove them there.

When Susan got out of the cab she was impressed. There were 3 tables of food and people running around everywhere. Children were playing games and adults were in groups talking. She turned to Mrs. Macready who motioned for her to keep going. They were met at the front gate by Alexander.

"Welcome to our party Miss Pevensie," he said with a nod, "I am glad you could come."

"I'm gald I could make it," Susan said with a fake smile. She felt very odd in a place where no one knew her.

"Eliza," he said to a girl walking by, the girl stopped, "this is Miss Susan Pevensie, Peter Pevensies sister." Eliza walked forward.

"Really," she said with a large smile, "I am glad to make your acquaintance," she said talking over for her brother, "I am Miss Eliza Berta."

"Eliza lives a few miles away from here," Alexander said, "her and her husband Carl own the manor that you must have seen on your way here."

"Yes, I saw it," Susan said, she was a bit overwhelmed with having to be introduced to people.

"Its a grand place, is it not," Eliza said with a giggle, "I hope you will all excuse me, I have to go greet someone." She ran in the direction of another girl yelling out in excitement. Susan was a little flustered by the way people in the country behaved. She saw that Mrs. Macready had settled in a group of older women that she presumably knew.

"Come along Miss Pevensie," Alexander said holding out his arm. She took and and he led her toward the party.

"So have you read Peter's book?" Susan asked him.

"Yes I have," he said, "Your brother told me the stories before he wrote them, and he was helping me write my own. He was an amazing person."

"Indeed he was," Susan said, "I wish I had known him better."

"He always spoke very highly of you," Alexander continued, "I think he was sorry that he was never there for you."

"His studies kept him very busy, I understand."

"Graduation from Oxford is not an easy thing."

"Did he ever love anyone?" Susan asked "was there a girl in his life."

"There were a few who wanted to be in his life," Alexander said, "but he always told me that he wouldn't marry until he was finished with his books and studies. He really enjoyed learning."

"Do you know where he kept his other books, Mr. Lee."

"Please call me Alex," he said, "I despise formalities."

"Then call me Susan, I feel the same way."

"Well I do know something about where he kept his other books," Alex continued, "But I am not exactly sure, he was very secretive about his work."

"Why was that," Susan asked, suddenly intrigued by her brothers habit.

"He had many professors coming around to discuss thing with him. That boy could think and run circles around them in logic as if he had lived two lives, but you know that don't you." Alex stopped and looked Susan in the eye. She was a little confused. Was he trying to say that the stories were true? That Peter had been a king?

"I am not quite sure I understand," Susan said.

"Well anyway, he hid his work from some of the poky professors, though there was one in particular though that he opened up to," Alex said.

"Well if you know a little about where he hid his work," Susan said, "maybe you would like to come around sometime and help me find it."

"Gladly Susan," he said as they passed a group of young people starting an organized country dance. Susan watched them with a look of delight on her face. It had been forever since she had danced; she was once really high on the social ladder of London but after the tragedy she disappeared out of sight.

"Do you dance Susan," Alex asked with a smile.

"Yes I do," she said, "but I warn you, it has been awhile."

* * *

Susan arrived back home after the lovely picnic. She had enjoyed herself for the first time in months. Mrs. Macready looked a lot happier to.

She went to the mail the moment she got home and noticed that there was a letter addressed to her from her Aunt Alberta who lived near Cambridge.

_Dear Susan,_

_Things have been very very dreary around here. Me and dear Harold miss Eustace terribly and we long for your company. Please tell us when you are next in London and we will drop by for a visit as we are going there in a week to stay for a few months. Harold's business has called him there for something. I long to see you dear, and I want to hear about all the latest London fashions and the fun that you have been having in the country._

_Susan how hard it must be for you all alone there. Please please write soon, and I hope to see you in a few weeks._

_-Aunt Alberta_

Susan laughed a little to herself; her Aunt Alberta was very tiresome sometimes but still one of the last relatives she had. She decided that once her vacation was over she would go to London, but there was still to much for her to discover in the large house. She would not sell the house until she discovered what it was her brothers and sisters were trying to tell her; she would not sell until she solved the mystery.

* * *

"Good day Alex," Susan said as Alex walked into the parlor, "have you come to help me find all of Peter's books?" She had been expecting him for the past few days to help her finish what he had started.

"Yes I have," he said, "and here," he held up a folder, "is his third one." Susan looked at him shocked.

"What," she walked across the room to take it from him. The first page read like this:

_Sailing to The End of the Narnia_

_by Peter Pevensie._

"Peter gave that to me to read and took the second book from me for editing," Alex said seeing Susan's shocked face, "he was having me read all of them, and this is the last one i have."

"So you had the first and the third," Susan said trying to straighten out the situation.

"Yes," Alex said affirming her statement, "I would have had the second as well, but Peter wasn't very happy with it and he wanted to make some adjustments."

"Do you know if he ever finished the adjustments?" Susan asked, "I've been reading it and I haven't noticed anything wrong with it."

"No, I don't think he even started the adjustments. He was so adamant about finishing his work that he put it on hold, not that the book really needs anything."

"I don't think it does," Susan said flipping through the third manuscript, it had some of Lucy's drawings dispersed through the pages.

"Well we have three manuscripts, now we need to find the other three," Alex said trying to get Susan's attention back on the task.

"Alright," Susan said looking up from the manuscript, "up in his study." Susan led the way as they walked up the stairs. Susan enjoyed Alex's company, he was very friendly and kind unlike many of the people she had met in the country. She was not impressed by them at the picnic. Whenever she talked to anyone at the picnic, Alex would come and rescue her from their sympathetic looks. Besides that they treated her city ways like she was from another planet. In the church the day before they shunned her like she was different because she was from another area of the world. Susan did not know how she would have handled it if Alex and his family hadn't greeted her.

They reminded her of her own family. Mrs. Lee was a very pleasant woman, and a city girl herself. She was raised in London and enjoyed Susan's company at the picnic but she was too busy playing hostess to spend much time talking to Susan. Alex had a little brother as well who reminded Susan of Edmund, with his interest in fencing. His name was Jacob and he had led fencing matches at the picnic. From what Susan understood Alex also had a sister who was in boarding school, Susan longed to meet her.

"Here is his study," Susan said as they walked through the door.

"I know," Alex said looking around, "we use to spend long hours in here studying old texts together."

"When did you first meet him?" Susan asked.

"We met at Oxford. We met in a class on medieval and Arthurian legends, he and I were able to help each other study. He was a good friend but much brighter than me. It took me another year to graduate after him, and even then I didn't get the recognition he got."

"Well Peter was always the brains of the family," Susan said shuffling through some files. She looked up to see Alex walking toward the wardrobe.

"If I am not mistaken Peter told me that everything had to do with this wardrobe," Alex said opening the door.

"It is in his story," Susan said still shuffling through the papers.

"I am sure he might have hid them here," Alex said, but when he looked inside the wardrobe there was nothing there. Susan stood up and walked to where he was.

"There are drawers," Susan said. Alex then looked at her and they both had the same idea. They then sat there opening the drawers until they found something like what they were looking for.

"Its book four," Susan said with a happy tone of voice.

_The Lost Prince_

_Peter Pevensie_

"We're one step closer," Alex said excitedly. Susan then abruptly hugged him, and he hugged her back. They had made a discovery.

"Thank you so much," Susan said grasping the manuscript.

"We still have two to find," Alex said with a smile.

"Why don't we check his room," Susan said with a smile. Alex then held out an arm to her.

"Shall we," he said. She took his arm with a smile. They searched for an hour more and uncovered nothing.

* * *

Susan sat by a tree outside, enjoying her the first feeling of joy she had had in a long time. She had just finished reading Peter's second book and looked forward to starting the next one. As she sat and thought about Peter a feeling of fresh loneliness stuck to her heart. Her brother had been unjustly taken away from her and it seemed that she and him would never be united again.

"I will finish what you started Peter," Susan said softly as tears filled her eyes as she faded into another dream world.

_Where has my heart gone_, a Lion stood on the hillside.

_An uneven trade for the real world_, the Lion was gone and there stood Lucy.

_Where has my heart gone,_ then Edmund took Lucy's place.

_Trapped in the eyes of a stranger_, Peter now stood there. Susan closed her eyes to blot it out and gave another cry of pain. Would these dreams never stop plaguing her?

* * *

"Aslan," Lucy gave a sorrowful cry after the image of her sister faded away.

"Dear one," Aslans soothing voice said as he saw the pain on Lucy's face.

"Please," Lucy said, "she looks so lonely."

"Aslan," Edmund spoke up, "doesn't she need someone to tell her the truth." Aslan looked at their pain then looked back at Peter who was silently leaning against a tree.

"I can't grant you that wish," Aslan said.

"But Aslan I want to go to her," Lucy said, "will she ever be with us?"

"Dear one," Aslan said with kindness in his eyes, "hear me out. Your sister choose to separate herself from this world and I. There is nothing we can do about that but hope that she finds the truth within herself."

"But how will she without help," Edmund said.

"So there is still a chance for her," Lucy said caught up in what Aslan said.

"Yes there is a chance for her," Aslan replied, "you must hope she takes it."

"But Aslan she needs someone," Lucy replied. Peter then walked over to Lucy.

"She already has someone," he said looking at Aslan who nodded acknowledging that Peter understood. Lucy then looked back toward where the image of her sister had been.

"Please Susan," she whispered into the wind, "nothing is ever really forgotten."


	9. Talk and Trip

**I've been a little busy lately, but I will try to keep them coming. Thanks for all those who have been reviewing, I thrive off reviews; so keep reviewing.**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

"Lets stop for some lunch," Susan said. Alex had arrived the next day to continue helping her with the search for Peter's books but so far they had only found notes. Susan had finished the second and third books the day before as well and hoped to start the fourth one soon.

"I'm starved," Alex said, "this searching can really tire one out." Susan smiled.

"I know," she stood up from the desk she had been searching. They both then walked down to the kitchen.

"I'll just grab a few things then maybe we can take a walk to refresh ourselves," she said. They then took some food and began to explore the beautiful outdoors.

"I love the way those trees are," Alex said pointing toward a hillside. Susan recognized it as the hillside she saw her ssiblings on and quickly turned away.

"Yes they are lovely," she responded hastily. Alex noticed her actions toward the area and decided not to press her about it.

"So you're in Peter's books, does that mean you've been to Narnia?" he asked cautiously.

"Narnia," she said softly, "was a game we use to play, its not real."

"Really?" Alex pressed on.

"Yes," Susan looked toward the ground, "I don't remember much about what we pretended, but it was all Lucy's idea."

"Are you sure its not real?"

"Saying it was would be a lie. And think about it; It defies logic, reason, and the natural course of the universe. It can't possibly be real." She sounded as though she was trying to convince herself.

"There are things that defy logic," Alex decided to say, "that does not mean that they are not real. I might believe Narnia is real, Peter so steadfastly believed it and he was not the type to just believe something that was not true."

"Peter just held on to boyish games," Susan said, "Everything about Narnia is a fantasy, despite what my siblings said. It was our invention to escape the harsh realities of war, nothing more. They should have given it up when the war ended."

"Well maybe it just gave them hope to believe in it, everyone needs hope Susan."

"But when hope blinds you from what is real and true it is a false hope that can cause you pain in more ways than one."

"Well..." Alex was about to say something when they saw Mrs. Macready coming toward them carrying a package. Susan walked over to meet her, eager about what it might be.

"What is it?" Susan called.

"It came from London!" Mrs. Macready said, "I think its Peter's book." Susan took the package from her and rushed to open it.

"It is," she said excitedly.

_Narnia_

_The Death of Winter_

_Peter Pevensie_

It said this plainly in gold lettering on the front cover. Susan opend it to see Lucy's drawing of the lamppost inside; Susan had send this in as an illustration to the story.

"This is incredible," Alex said taking it from her.

"Here's a note with it," Susan said, "Dear Miss Pevensie, I am enclosing the book to you. This has been sent to the presses and is now being shipped all over England for release next week. I would love it if you would come back to us for the release of the book to promote it here in London for your brother seeing as he is no longer with us. I am hoping to get you back here soon, our experts are sensing a hit right now. Come back as soon as possible. - Mr. Clawson," Susan looked up with confusion after reading it.

"You should go," Alex said with excitement, "the chance to promote Peter's book."

"But, we haven't found the other books yet," Susan replied.

"We can put that off," Alex said, "or I can look while your gone."

"No," Susan said, "you should come as well."

"Why?" Alex was a little confused about what good he could do in London.

"Because you knew Peter better than I did; its your right to come promote the book as well, I am sure Mr. Clawson would agree."

"I think you should as well," Mrs. Macready said, "this is a once in a lifetime chance; to do book promotion in London from one of the best publishers."

"You couldn't possibly say no," Susan added. Alex then looked from Mrs. Macready to Susan; the look in Susan's eyes was one he couldn't possibly resist.

"Alright," he said.

"Yes!" Susan exclaimed with joy, "we'll leave the day after tomorrow."

"Then its settled," Mrs. Macready said, "I'll pack your things Susan." Susan smiled with delight as Mrs. Macready left. Then her and Alex continued their walk, both looking through the book with excitement.

When it was time for Alex to leave, Susan looked around the grove one more time, and smiled with joy; Susan Pevensie, Social light of London was going back to where she felt most at home. She sighed at the beauty of this place, it had given her to many haunting memories in the weeks yet she would never sell it and she felt that she may spend more time in it that she first realized.


	10. London and Attractions

**School has started; but I hit writers block earlier. Now I have a summary of the story but updates may not be often. I have told myself: "YOU HAVE TO FINISH THIS" so don't worry I won't leave it hanging.**

**-A Winter Chill**

* * *

Susan looked out of the train to the busy streets of London; she had forgotten how much she missed her home. In London she somehow didn't feel as lonely, the looming ghosts of her siblings did not haunt her there. Her and Alex both had read some of the books they had discovered while on the train.

The publishing of Peter's first book was a huge thing to both of them; this book would cause his legacy to live inside people. Though Peter was not there to see it Susan somehow felt that he knew what was going on.

"We're almost there," Alex said, "just a little ways to go."

"I know," Susan sighed looking at her home, "when was the last time you've been to London?"

"I came awhile back to visit a cousin," Alex said with a laugh, "but I have always loved the country more; so much more peace and firmness."

"But its the sights and sounds of London that appeal to me," Susan replied, "I use to galavant to parties with my friends; but maybe sometimes I was to into the social scene to notice how much really goes on in the city. People coming and going, living their lives! I find it quite fascinating."

"When you consider that their hustle has very little gain perhaps it would not fascinate you so," Alex stared out the window as well.

"It has a gain," Susan looked at him with a disbelieving smile, "these people are working to have a future."

"But their only real future is death, which casts a sadness over how busy they are," a shadow filled Alex's eyes, "they live their lives rushing so much that they never grow to understand how much is around them; they never learn the things which really endure." Susan then felt the empty hole that had existed since the death of her family. She had tried to hide the truth that she felt no future; as Alex described her only real future seemed to be death as well.

"Sometimes it is better to forget that only death awaits us," Susan said looking Alex in the eye.

"Is it only death that awaits us?" Alex asked, "don't you believe in something beyond all this?"

"I stopped believing in anything a long time ago," Susan replied looking back toward the window. She heard a still small voice in her head once again; _O where, where has my heart gone? An uneven trade for the real world. O I, I want to go back to, believing in everything and knowing nothing else._ Susan shook her head an moved her hand toward the window.

"Whats wrong," Alex asked, Susan turned to see that he had a concerned look in his eye.

"Nothing," Susan replied quickly just as the train doors opened to let off passengers, "this is our stop." She stood up and grabbed her bags, as Alex did the same. They then walked off the train. Susan quickly glanced around the station till she saw James coming toward her with a girl by him; her best friend Emily.

"James! Emily!" Susan yelled with a smile running the greet them. Alex stood off not wanting to interrupt the group. He stood there with a sort of jealousy about him over Susan's close relationship with James. On the train trip Susan and Alex had really gotten to know a lot about each other so Alex understood how fond Susan was of James.

"You do remember how to smile after all!" James said, "the country air has worked wonders for you."

"We've missed you Sue," Emily said giving her friend a hug.

"I've had friends to help work wonders for me," Susan replied to the turning to Alex.

"Alex," she motioned to him, "meet James and Emily; James, Emily, meet Alex."

"Very nice to meet you," James said holding out his hand.

"You to," Alex took James had. Emily then grabbed Susan's arm.

"You've been gone much longer than I though you would be," Emily said, "me and James had been seeing each other!"

"Really?" Susan said.

"How'd you manage to get along with him," Susan looked at James with a smile; She didn't notice how relieved Alex looked.

"O you silly," Emily said, "All three of us have always bee close. It just seems like me and James have been getting along really well lately."

"Oh, Em," Susan embraced her, "i've missed you both."

* * *

Susan and Alex stood outside of Clawson publishers the next day; Peters book had hit shelves two days before. Susan had seen it in a few store windows since arriving on London. She had observed how it seemed to be flying off the shelves so far. She had read the reviews on it that called it "an epic adventure for all."

This moment was now time for her to further promote the book. She looked at Alex.

"Are you ready," she said, "book interviews and promotions are tough. Not that I've ever done one before, I've just seen it done."

"I've seen one to," he said, "my dad published a medical book." They both looked at each other and laughed.

"Then we're both ready," Susan opened the door.

"Miss Pevensie!," Mr. Clawson immediately moved toward her, "thank goodness you have arrived! I don't know what we ever did without you!"

"Mr. Clawson," Susan smiled and greeted him.

"You'll have to get your column up and running again," Mr. Clawson said, "but first we must talk about this promotion."

"And this is Mr. Alexander Lee," Susan said introducing her good friend.

"Ah Yes!" Mr. Clawson said shaking his hand, "I've been waiting to meet you. It was because of you that we discovered this great masterpiece. It's truly a shame that the author is no longer with us to see how big an event this truly is."

"I am sure he somehow knew it would be," Alex looked toward Susan who was surveying the office.

"Well now first things," Mr. Clawson said, "there is a party tomorrow for the release of the book with a great deal of prestigious people. Some of them are your brothers old professors! And you may invite people Miss Pevensie!"

"Goodness," Susan said, "I've just gotten back."

"Well we've missed you," Mr. Clawson.

The rest of the day consisted of Susan working on things she had left undone when she ran off to the country. Alex went with Mr. Clawson to work out a good schedule for promotion of the book. Once Alex was done at the company he went to visit a relative but promised that he be back to pick Susan up for dinner. He and Susan had not really gotten to talk much since arriving on London. The previous evening was spent with James and Emily. Once that evening was over Alex left Susan at her apartment and left to check into a hotel.

He throughouly looked forward to an evening to discuss all the upcoming events with Susan; he didn't know that Susan looked forward to it as well. She enjoyed speaking to Alex; he was very wise, kind, and intelligent. There were many good quailties to be admired in him and she had become very fond of him. Emily noticed it right off but had decided to discuss the matter with Susan later; but Emily was a matchmaker by brith and decided she must know how Susan truly felt about Alex.


	11. Parties and Introductions

**Ideas about what to do next keep streaming to me, but I have a summary of each chapter so hopefully the updates will hopefully be steady and smooth! Thanks to all who are reading and who have stuck with me through how slow I have been to update!**

**-WinterChill**

**---**

_My name is Lucy. I am a queen of the wonderful realm of Narnia where it is almost impossible for sadness to reign, yet I find now that sadness dwells in my being. My sister is not here with me_ the young girl broke into tears while writing. Her leather bound journal was full of entries just like this one.

_There is absolutely nothing I can do, but I write this message now for her in hopes that somehow Aslan will let me get it to her, sometime soon._ Lucy looked outside her window from her room in Cair Paravel. There the sun was shining brightly, but Lucy knew that in England the sky was raining tears. She tore a blank page out of her journal and began to write something.

_You hold the answer deep within your own heart_

_Consciously you've forgotten it_

_Thats the way the human mind works_

_Whenever something is to unpleasant  
_

_To shameful for us to entertain,_

_We reject it, and erase it from our memory_

_But the imprint is always there_

_The pain that grips you_

_The fear that finds you_

_Releases life in me...._

Lucy again looked up from her work, and in a desperate hope she shed more tears for her sister.

---

Susan had spent a long time dressing up for the book party; she had missed the glamor that London's parties had offered to her. She was still young and had much to experience, at least for tonight she couldn't let her looming grief eat into her; Susan Pevensie had to be strong.

Alex met her outside her apartment complex and they both hailed a cab to take them to the party.

"You look amazing Susan," Alex said. She still wore black but her dress was of a very classy style and her hair was done up beautifully. She blushed, for she was not use to receiving compliments from Alex. He was a more shy quiet guy it seemed but sometimes he surprised her. His insight to things was incredible and he was very easy to get along with. James had really enjoyed spending time with him when they had all gone out as a group.

"Thanks," Susan said trying to gather herself, "I hope that everything is nice tonight... and um, not to crowded." Alex laughed. "What?" Susan could not believe he was laughing at her.

"Nothing," Alex said with a smirk. "Crowds really aren't a problem, the crowds will always die down within a few hours." Now it was Susan's turn to laugh. "What?" Alex looked at her confused.

"Have you ever been to a London party before?" she asked with another laugh.

"Well no, but..."

"The crowd will start arriving a couple hours late! This isn't like those country parties where everyone is punctual; Being late is high fashion in London." She smiled at the end of her statement and watched Alex's confusion.

"Then why are we going to be on time?" he asked with a logical tone.

"Because it is partially our party! As part of the publishing process we are to important to be late," she said raising her eyebrows on the last statement.

"London is so confusing," Alex came back with, "they do the strangest things. If you set a time to have a party everyone should arrive at the time you set."

"Don't try to hard to understand it," Susan said putting a hand on his shoulder, "it will still confuse you. It took me years to understand all the edicate that you must know to be a fashionable party attender; there were times I thought I would never understand it."

When they arrived at the party it was not very crowded; as Susan had said the crowd came in late. The new sights and sounds of a London party surprised Alex. Everything was so high and fashionable. A mini orchestra was playing music, some of the best food in London was served, and Susan seemed right at home. Alex was also surprised at how many of the people Susan knew; almost everyone took the time to greet her and have a conversation with her. He knew that she was a London social light before Peter's accident but he never truly understood what that meant.

When James and Emily arrived Alex was very happy to talk to James while Emily grabbed Susan and pulled her outside to an area that had a beautiful view of the city.

"You look gorgeous Susan," Emily said, "and its good to see you smile again."

"For me its just good to be back here," Susan replied in a more sad tone, "for months I have not known myself. I don't even know how I survived through it all." Susan felt a strange sense around her and she looked behind Emily to see Peter standing in a window. She blinked and breath came hard to her; it felt as if something had hit her. She buckled over in weakness but she kept consciousness.

"Susan!" Emily caught her friend, "whats wrong." Worry and franticness filled Emily, "I'll get help."

"No!" Susan grabbed her arm, "I'm fine!"

"Are you sure," Emily asked with worry.

"Yes, I just need to sit down," Susan struggled toward a seat in the area. She was glad that they were out alone or else someone else would have done something.

"You're sure you're fine?" Emily asked putting a hand on her friends head.

"I'm fine," Susan said forcing a smile up, "just tired. Sit down." Emily sat by her friend. Susan shook her head; these apperations kept coming no matter where she was. Why were they haunting her?

"Did you get you proper rest last night," Emily asked Susan.

"I guess not, that could be the reason," Susan lied; there was no way she could tell anyone that she was going crazy.

"Well I wanted to ask you about Alex." Emily smiled at Susan and Susan knew exactly what Emily wanted to know.

"Oh no," Susan threw her head back and laughed, "its not that way Emily. Me and Alex are just good friends, nothing more. He was Peter's friend in college and he's been helping me find the rest of Peter's books."

"Really?" Emily said with a crooked smile. Susan nodded. "I don't believe you," Emily said in a small voice.

"And why shouldn't you," Susan replied.

"Your trying to hard to convince me that you don't like him; its absolutely certain that you do."

"No."

"Yes."

"Emily your horrible," Susan laughed again, "and I am not like you; I don't think that way."

"Whatever," Emily said, "be stubborn, but now I know the truth."

"Your absolutely crazy," Susan replied to her friend.

"You bet she is," the girls turned to see James and Alex walking onto the balcony. "May I have this next dance," James asked Emily holding out his hand.

"I though you'd never ask me," she said taking his hand. The two then went back inside leaving Susan and Alex alone together.

"May I have this next dance Susan," Alex said to her.

"Alright," She said with a smile. They both went inside as well. The dance was one of Susan's favorites but to Alex's dismay it was one he did not know as well as some of the previous dances.

"I'm sorry," Alex said, "I'm not that good at this dance."

"No," Susan said, "your doing great. I've had some really awful dance partners in the past."

"They must have been awful if their worse than me."

"Believe me they were much much worse than you could ever hope to be." Her last comment made Alex laugh.

--

Susan was sitting in the chairs watching the dances going by. She felt a little tired and Mr. Clawson had told her to wait here for him; he seemed to think He had to introduce her to someone.

"Ah, Miss Pevensie," Mr Clawson approached with an older man who had a nice smile. "Meet Mr. CS Lewis, one of your brothers former professors I understand."

"Mr. Lewis," Susan said holding out a hand with a sweet smile, "Its a pleasure." Months of sadness had not corrupted her sense of manners.

"And I understand you know Mr. Alexander Lee," Mr. Clawson continued.

"Yes," Mr. Lewis spoke, "he is one of Peter's good friends." Susan was a little confused about how Mr. Lewis spoke of Peter in the present tone, everyone knew the author of these incredible stories was dead. Susan then looked up and saw that Mr. Clawson had just hurried over to another group of people. The business of the man never ceased to amaze Susan.

"Its been to long Mr. Lewis," Alex said taking the older mans hand, "Me and Susan have been searching for Peters 6 books but we have only found four. I have been wondering if he gave any to you to edit."

"Yes," the man said with confidence, "I still have books 5 & 6, Peter gave them to me to edit months ago."

"The last two books," Susan said with delight, "when can we get them from you."

"Maybe you both can come to my place tomorrow for afternoon tea," Mr. Lewis said, "for we do have much to discuss."


	12. Lost and Held

**More lovely Narnia memories and such. I have a few suprises in store within the nest few chapters; someone will die... Thats all I'm saying! :)**

**I'm glad that so many people are enjoying this story! I know what direction it is headed in I'm just being to slow at getting there so thank you all for staying with this and enjoying it.**

**-WinterChill**

**

* * *

**

_Susan walked around and around inside the ruin of an old building. Her mind was filled with awe of the apple trees which had grown within it. Somehow this place seemed strangely familiar to walked slowly toward an open door she saw in the wall and saw a lions face on the door handle._

_So many lions in her memories, but her mind could not make out their significance in its convoluted she walked through the eerie door into the darkness beyond and found herself in a totally new place._

_She now stood in a cold iceland and in front of her stood a huge ice castle. The place sent chills of horror down her spine as it was nestled in the darkness. Howls of wolves surrounded it and ice cold wind flew all around her. She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes until the wind stopped._

_When she opened her eyes she stood in front of a light post with spring all around her. Something about this place caused her heart to leap and she soon found that it to faded into another and another. Different settings that were somehow familiar surrounded her and filled her consciousness. She wanted to understand it all but somehow she couldn't. She then found herself alone in the middle of a beautiful wood._

_"Susan," she turned about at the sound of Peter's voice but she could not see him anywhere."Susan, Susan." It repeated over and over._

_"Where are you," she yelled._

_"Somewhere you're not," Peter's voice replied, "please Susan, come on Susan."_

_"Peter!" she yelled for him. She needed him to explain it all to her. She turned around and she saw him there._

_"Susan," he said standing where he was, "come one Sue, come on." She couldn't take it anymore she ran toward him to embrace him but when she got to where he was he was gone._

_"Peter!" Her voice cried out into the darkness that enveloped her. She felt alone for a moment then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and saw no one was there. She wasn't alone yet she could not see who was with her. She felt a comfort but she did not know where it was coming from._

_---_

Susan awoke that morning shaking from her dream. None of it was real she tried to reassure herself yet she had a sinking feeling that it was. Something was wrong with her yet she could not figure out what it was. Was that place Narnia? She put that thought away from her mind; Narnia was not real! It was make believe, there was no way she could think otherwise it had to be fake.

Susan walked across her room and saw a note she had written to herself. She had to prepare for tea with Peter's old professor. Alex was going to pick her up soon. She put all thoughts of her dream out of her mind and began to prepare for the day.

---

"Miss Pevensie, Mr. Lee," the professor said, "Here are the last two books he handed them each thick paper manuscripts. Susan held one titled "Shasta and his horse." she looked over to the one that Alex had and saw that it was called "The Birth of Narnia." Excitement filled her upon this great discovery.

"Thank You so much for this," Susan said.

"Now I must speak to you on an important matter regarding these books. Alex and Susan listened as he began, "Peter was a very ambitious author but he focused mainly on getting his stories out on paper. He came to me awhile back and took his fist manuscript which he had asked me to read and said he was going to edit it. I remember well how he locked himself up for weeks, as I was in the neighbor hood doing studies with the professor. Peter poure over every word in his story making sure that everything was flawless."

"That one was truly astounding,'Alex spoke up, "even the general public is enjoying it immensely."

"That was how I felt when I read it," Professor Lewis continued, "Peter's book had become a totally different story; more enlightening, more uplifting. But the problem is he was never able to edit another one like that again." There was silence in the room and Susan noticed that the window was open and a cool breeze surrounded her.

"The rest really don't have the ring of the first one," Susan spoke softly.

"There lies the problem with publishing the," he said in return, "I called you here because I believe that the second one will be met with disappointment."

"But people are already captured by the stories," Susan replied furrowing her brow, "they will want to know what happens next; the book will sell on that merit."

"In these time Susan people only buy things they know are good," Alex responded looking her in the eye, "and if the book gets bad reviews its done for."

"But its already been sent to the presses!" Susan had an urgency in her voice, "and Peter left me a not to publish his books; he didn't say anything about any of them not being ready."

"Miss Pevensie," she turned to the Professor, "watch the performance of the second book and if it goes poorly come speak to me about it. I may be able to turn it all around."

"I don't believe it will go poorly," she said standing up, "I'm sorry if I seem rude sir but I believe Peter's books appeal to the public as they are."

"Of course they always have some appeal," professor Lewis also stood up, "It was nice getting to meet you. I was just warning you about what might be to come in the future."

"Thank you for your warning sir," Alex said politely, "We will be going now."

"Have a good day."

---

"He is the only person I have met so far who hasn't believed that Peter's books could make it," Susan huffed as they walked along the busy London streets.

"He was merely pointing out the vast difference between the first book and the last five!" Alex responded.

"He was pointing out that the difference between them could cause the rest not to sell," Susan stopped walking and turned to Alex, "I say that they will! I know that they will! Peter would not have left a note for me to publish unfinished books which might fail!"

"Its not Peter's fault he never got to finish the stories!" Alex looked very urgent.

"Of course it's not his fault," Susan said trying to hail a cab, "he was to engrossed in his imaginary world to pay attention to anything."

"Susan, that is unfair to him," Alex grabbed her arm to stop her from hailing the cab.

"Well it is every bit true!" tears were coming into her eyes, "he never even thought to come visit me. My siblings wouldn't even speak to me because I didn't believe in their silly fairytale! They never thought about how I felt."

"Susan," Alex said quickly.

"How I felt to be alone," she continued. Now her tears were flowing freely as she whispered, "and now I am alone." Alex pulled her into an embrace quickly. There he held her letting her cry all her tears into his shoulder, not saying anything just offering his silent comfort.

"Susan," he sighed, "it doesn't matter that you don't believe in a 'fairy tale' but the public is beginning to believe in it because of Peter. I believe that his second story will go far because of how he has enchanted them."

"How can you be sure," she said, "what if they loose their will to believe." Alex knew instantly that is what had happened to Susan.

"You are not alone Susan," he said releasing her from his embrace, "I am here for you. Remember always that if you ever are in trouble I will not hesitate to come to your side. Don't forget it! You're not alone anymore!" With that he hailed a cab and sent Susan back to her apartment. Alex stood on the sidewalk watching her cab drive away in thought. Susan still had so much to learn and he was racing against time; how could he make her believe?


	13. Confusion and Storms

**The Story continues!! This chapter will contain yet another sad plot twist!**

**-A Winters Chill.**

* * *

Susan sat at her desk in the office feeling very weary. Her mind had not let her sleep that night instead it was filled with strange images of a beautiful yet unreal land. Nothing made sense anymore and she wondered if she was beginning to loose her mind. Taking a deep breath she began to write an article about Peters book for the news paper that was due to grace the paper when book 2 was published. It had been a couple of weeks since she had met with Peter's professor and those weeks had been terribly taxing. Alex had gone back to the countryside on business and Susan had been dealing with press work the whole time. She longed for a break from the stress but nothing had come up.

"Miss Pevensie!" she looked up to see the new intern, Beth, rushing into her office.

"What," Susan said a little rudely. She knew it wasn't fair to vent on the intern but her mind was once again racing and she didn't like to be interrupted while writing.

"I'm sorry," Beth said looking a little hurt, "it's just that this rushed telegram came for you a moment ago." Susan stood up and took it from Beth, it was from Alex. She walked to the window and opened it.

_Susan_

_Please come to the country_

_Mrs. MaCready is gravely ill_

_She asked for you_

_Come_

_-Alex_

Susan looked in disbelief at what she was holding, she knew MaCready was old but she had seemed to be in good health with she was there. Susan quickly rushed to her desk to gather her things, MaCready was the last person linked to the past that Susan had. She couldn't loose her!

"What's happened?" Beth asked looking concerned.

"The housekeeper of my estate is ill," Susan said knowing that she probably looked terribly shocked, "I have no time to loose, I must be on the next train to the country!" Susan picked up her article and handed it to Beth, "Please see that this gets to Mr. Clawson by the end of today." With that Susan grabbed her bag and ran out of the office in a rush. Alex had said that Mrs. MaCready had asked for her; why would she do that?

It only took her an hour to get to her apartment, gather her things and get on the next train to the country. She sat in her seat unsure of what this journey would hold for her, but she knew it must be important. Peter had mentioned at one of the few family gatherings that Mrs. MaCready had become one of his good friends. Lucy and Edmund had gone to visit her before, if anyone remembered them it would be her.

Susan slowed her mind down for a second as memories of her first visit to the house flooded her mind. MaCready had been the mean old woman who never smiled back then. The house had been uninviting and scary for the children. They felt alone until Lucy had led them into a wardrobe! Susan's eyes fluttered as her mind shook from the impact of fantastical images which could be dreams or memories. Peter drew a sword and held it toward a treacherous wolf. Edmund looked shocked as the four kids saw a beautiful yet terrible woman enter a camp of animals and strange creatures. Susan remembered Lucy crying over the body of a lion. Susan grabbed her head and gasped. She as instantly glad that she had purchased a ticket for a private car.

The memories soon stopped flooding her mind as she cut them off calling them out as dreams and fantasies. Would she ever stop with this insanity?

* * *

Susan got off the train at the stop she knew as her own. As she walked out onto the platform for the third time in her life she felt a sense of nostalgia; once again she was returning to the place where everything had began. The memories of the journey were more overwhelming than they had been last time she made the trip; it was as if the walls she had built up against it all had begun to weaken. She looked around and saw Alex a short distance away. She ran to his welcome arms. He held her close as he knew she still needed comfort from the past which threatened to spill upon her like an avalanche.

If anyone had been on the small platform they would have seen a small glimpse of magical spark between the two as they held onto each other, allowing the past to go away for just a moment; allowing it all to surround them without ever touching them. At that moment a cool breath of Narnian wind blew through the rift of time into the English countryside for someone would soon make their way home to Narnia.

* * *

The doctor said Mrs. MaCready did not have long to live. She was very glad to see Susan but in the first four hours of being there MaCready had to rest. Susan paced back and fourth in the room constantly checking the old woman's temperature and making sure that there would been food and water for her when she woke up. Alex stayed with Susan as she tended to the old woman but he had fallen asleep on the recliner by the time Mrs. MaCready had finally woken up.

"Susan," she said causing Susan to turn her attention from the view outside the window to the tired old woman. Mrs. MaCready held out a hand to her.

"Yes Mrs. MaCready," she said walking to her and taking her hand. The old woman smiled and began to speak.

"I always knew you would grow up to be a beautiful young lady," said with a chuckle causing Susan to smile, "you may find my sudden fondness of you a little strange but the truth is you remind me of myself in the past." Susan knew that Mrs. MaCready just wanted her to listen now and knelt beside the bed.

"When your brother, dear Peter came back to this house to study with the Professor he didn't treat me like a servant," she said, "he treated me with the reverence that a child would show to their grandmother. He cared about my well being and often helped me and the other staff with the chores around the house. Even though I was a bitter old thing he taught me to be kind and others and then he taught me something else even more important." Susan listened as the old woman's voice suddenly began to sound very wise.

"Over the past few years Peter has spent much of his time writing his stories, as you know. What you don't know is how he would write them. Oftentimes he would sit in the wardrobe with it wide open and just write and other times he would sit outside the wardrobe staring at the pictures and carvings in its wood. I would bring him his food in that dusty old room and he would share parts of his stories with me." Tears then began to form in Mrs. MaCready's eyes, "He told me of Narnia and it reminded me of a place I went as a little girl with my brother; a land lost to my memory until those moments. I could see glimpses of beauty but I could never grasp the whole of what I was struggling with. At one moment my memories were real and at the next moment they were cold fantasies taunting me and what I could have had."

"What are you saying," Susan said as tears filled her own eyes. She was not the only one who felt that way.

"Narnia is real!" Mrs. MaCready said opening her eyes wide.

"But it is a fantasy," Susan said looking down, "I used to pretend with my siblings and we made up stories and creatures. It's not real, it's just a dream."

"It is real," the old woman replied in a wiser tone, "and as a child me and my brother went there just as you and your siblings did. I have been a servant in this house since I was ten years old and I remember the wardrobe. The memory was lost to me as I went into the world before returning here. I became bitter as I denied what I knew to be true because I felt that if I could never go back then I would rather forget about it just as you have. My brother died at a young age just as yours and I know that he is in Narnia now for he never stopped trying to make me believe!"

"But Narnia..." Susan stuttered letting her tears flow freely.

"Lucy, Edmund and Peter are all there waiting for you and I," Mrs. MaCready said, "for the great lion has said that we must live our lives in our own world but he has also made it clear that once our lives our over we have a home with him if we believe!"

"I can't," Susan let go of the old woman's hand to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"You can," she said, "Peter told me you wouldn't listen! He used to cry for you and I told him that there was still a way to your heart and I have seen it as you have traveled back and forth to publish his books. I know you know it, Narnia is calling for you to remember!"

"Why?," Susan questioned.

"Because Aslan still believes you can be saved," the words hung in the air as finally his name was spoken to her. Aslan! The name that had been bared from her sight for so long. An image of a great lion sounded through her mind as she tried so hard to fight it, she couldn't. In this moment her heart began to win over her head, her tears were overflowing and her walls were beginning to fall. She grasped her head letting out a cry of pain as everything attacked her. Her mind became a battlefield and she wanted it all to stop.

"I feel him calling me now," Mrs. MaCready said, "I"m leaving. I'll see you when your journey is over." Mrs. MaCready put a hand on Susan's head before the life went out of her being.

"No," Susan said suddenly as more tears spilled from her eyes. She needed to know more! Suddenly Alex awoke from his sleep and saw what had happened. Mrs. MaCready had gone home, and the clouds in Susan's mind had not been cleared, he knew that a storm was coming and it would end one way or the other. Susan would either deny Narnia or once again return home.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**When writing the story I had the thought that Susan could become bitter by her denial and that reminded me of Mrs. MaCready so I decided that what happened to Susan had happened to the old housekeeper. I hope you like the plot twist! There is more ahead but I am beginning to see the end! Please review, there is a button below this and must press it!**


	14. Giving up and Getting out

**I am fighting a battle to finish this story. My inspiration is running out! Thanks to all those who keep reading despite it all!  
-A Winters Chill.**

* * *

Susan fought the pain that laid inside of her. The funeral had been horrible and she swore to herself that she would never attend another one no matter how important they were. Why did so many people have to die? She thought about the events of the past year and what it had done to her. She had hardened herself against everything, death, pain, and love.

She sat on a window seat in the large house looking out to the grounds. There was a large forest right in her back yard that she longed to venture into once again but the rain forced her to stay indoors. She knew that she looked like a mess, her hair hung around her like it's own forest as she cried with the sky. This new loss reminded her so much of her siblings and what they had shared in the past. Was it true? Were they all waiting for her in Narnia? She had spent years building up walls against that accursed place yet it seemed to always come back to haunt her. It took everything away from her, all that she had ever held dear! How could anything associated with it be good? Why did she have to be the one to publish Peter's books about it when she didn't want anything to do with it?

"It's not real," she tried to tell herself again. She heard footsteps walk through the door of her room and saw Alex standing there.

"Everyone was worried about you after the funeral," he said, "you looked so sullen."

"I hate loss," Susan stated bitterly, "Everything goes away so quickly and in the end most people have nothing to show for how they have lived thier lives. So many die without making their mark on the world."

"The important thing is some never give up," Alex replied, "Peter believed in life and even in his passing he has reached out to so many."

"You say passing," Susan muttered, "as if he just went somewhere. A journey. No Alex, Peter is dead! He's gone, gone away forever and he will never return. We will never see him again nor Edmund nor Lucy. There is no life after all this, it's vainty."

"That was always your problem wasn't it," Alex said with a hint of anger in his voice, "you were always too much of a coward to believe in life after death. What is it Susan? Are you worried that you'll have nothing to show for you life when you die? Are you worried that you'll never have an impact on anyone?"

"Vainty" Susan repeated, "all of it. I can't take it anymore."

"When did you loose your will to believe?" Alex asked tired of watching it Susan tear her life apart.

"I never believed in anything," Susan said looking at him with a scowl.

"I said I'd always be here for you," Alex replied, "but how can I help you when you won't even let me?"

"They all want me to believe in something that isn't real," Susan responded standing up, "and I can not bring myself to participate in these lies! Narnia is afiction, fantasy, non-real fairytale! There is simply no other way to say it! Everything in my life has been torn apart by something that's not even real! That is what I am going through and I continue to loose things to that fantasy every day!" Susan had had enough of Alex's prying into her life she walked toward the door.

"No one ever abandoned you Susan," he said, "you abandoned them." She stopped for a second before continuing to leave the room. She couldn't bear the country any longer. She would head to London immediately, it was so much easier to keep her walls there.

* * *

It had been three months since her argument with herself and Alex and book two had been published. The public did not race to buy it as people had predicted. Everything was falling even more apart. Susan had just gotten her life back and now it was all shattering back down again! Would this cycle ever end? Was her lot in life destruction.

"Miss Pevensie," Mr. Clawson said, "I think you need to go home." She looked up from her desk at him with her clouded eyes wondering what he meant.

"I still have three articles to write," she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, everyone at the company had been looking at her with sympathy since she had returned from the countryside. It was getting on her nerves! She wondered if she was just becoming parinod.

"Susan," he said putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I've been trying to ignore it but your writing has become more and more dull as time has gone on. You've lost the life you once had"

"I'm just not in my element right now," Susan protested.

"That's what I have been trying to argue to some of my peers," he sighed and fidgeted with the newspaper in his hand, "but it's been like this for three months. Peter's second book has flopped and we are loosing subscriptions like crazy. I have been putting it off but it seems the future of Clawson publishers and news is on the line! We have to let you go."

"But Mr. Clawson..." she didn't know what to say. She knew that most of the articles she had put out recently were complete trash but she knew that she had more in her than that.

"Susan," he said, "I know you're well set up now with your inheritance and I am confidant that you'll go far in life but not at this time. That is why I am letting you go."

"I understand," she said slowly. She couldn't take it any longer, she stood up quickly grabbed her stuff and stormed out of the office. She had to go somwhere. She knew he was in town.

* * *

"You were right," Susan said slamming the six manuscripts on the table in front of Professor Lewis, "the public hated it! They wouldn't buy it!"

"It wasn't your fault Susan," he said standing up from his desk and putting a hand on her shoulder, "Peter told me that it wouldn't make it in that state." Susan felt a cold wind blow on her at the mention of her brother. She had failed him and that was all there was too it. How could she continue with the task she had given to her when she had flubbed it up so much.

"I can't take this anymore," Susan said letting a few tears escape, "I promised him that his stories would make it to the world and I can't even get past the second book! I give up, I don't know what to do. I can't edit the stories and now that his name has been tarnished the public won't buy anything from him. Clawson publishers has recalled the stories!"

"Clawson publishers would never have taken them worldwide anyway," Lewis said picking up the first manuscript, "his stories needed something with a much wider range to take them to the world."

"Do you know how we could accomplish that?" Susan asked.

"You say his name has been tarnished?" Lewis asked her back.

"The publishing company has declared him as an unsellable author," Susan replied, "and all other publishing company's in the city have acknowledged this."

"Then it seems someone with prestige and a company to back them will have to publish these stories," Lewis said flipping through the manuscript, "and they will need to undergo editing to allow them to have the mass appeal of the first one."

"I'm giving them to you," Susan stated simply, "do whatever you will with them!"

"What?" He looked puzzled by her statement

"I'm leaving London," Susan said, "I lost my job and there is nothing else for me here! I'm not going to shop the books around to companies for the rest of my life! I know I promised but I don't know what else to do!"

"Then I promise you Susan that these stories will reach the world," he said.

* * *

**I think I lost my element with the last conversation of the story. I am so close to finishing now that I can feel the end coming and it's got me a little excited! Please review! REVIEW! REVIEW! Reviews are inspiration in themselves!**

**-Winterschill  
**


	15. Rejection and Rediscovery

**Things are getting a little crazy. I think there are about three chapters left for me to write after this one. I will finish this story.  
**

* * *

Susan hurried down the busy sidewalk ignoring the hustle of London, this place was wearing on her just as much as the country was. Was there anywhere on earth that she could find peace? Suddenly she slammed into someone who was walking toward her.

"Sorry sir," she said bending down to gather up the papers that were in her arms, she had been carrying some note Peter had written on Narnia to his old professor. The man bent down to help her gather them.

"You're Susan Pevensie!" he said with excitement staring at one of the papers! He stood up at the same time as her and handed her the papers he had gathered up fro her.

"Yes," she said with annoyance wishing she could be someone else at that moment, she hated her life!

"This is great," the man said, "I am a reporter for the New York Times on vacation here in London. We've been fascinated with your work for years but recently there's been nothing out from you. Me and a few other of my co-workers were also enchanted by your brothers book!"

"I'm not a writer anymore," Susan said in a insistent voice, "I just want to get away from that world forever." She started to walk but stopped as soon as she realized what she had said. It seemed that she ran away from every world that people involved her in. She had just been fired from a job but was she really such a coward to leave writing all together? It was something that she had dedicated herself to! The beautiful flourishes of reporting news, events, tragedies and the lovely flair of writing opinions and stories. This was something she had worked for and now she was giving it up?

"That's too bad," the man said, "I am here researching your family actually and I was wondering if you could tell me anything about the magical world you and your family went to." Susan's thoughts were interrupted and completely sent on a different path with that question. Did people really believe that she believed in a magical world?

"That..." Susan stopped for a moment as memories flooded of trees and fields, mountains and valleys, rivers and streams, snow and spring. Her smile faded as she realized that those were memories not imaginations, but how? Her walls flew up again as she answered the man quickly, "that was a fantasy that helped us escape the realities of war and the sadness of mankind. What do you expect children to war torn London to do when they loose everything that was ever important to them? Honestly it's getting rather annoying that people think that I actually believe there is another world running beside our own, its insane. It simply isn't true." The man looked at her disappointed and she could not understand why. Why would someone want her to believe in a fantasy? Then another question hit her; why did Peter want her to believe in a fantasy?

"You know it's always been in mans nature to believe in something more," he said, "it seems all of London wanted to believe a few months back but how could they with no one to set the example for them."

"Sir, I don't believe," she said, "I'm done." With that she walked away, she didn't know where her heart was going but in that moment she knew that the only way to escape it was to leave it all behind.

* * *

"What is all this?" C.S Lewis asked her as she put a pile of papers on the desk in front of him along with a couple of books and paintings.

"Peter's notes, Edmunds journals," Susan stated, "it's all here along with Lucy's paintings, everything you need to explore this fantasy." He stood up and looked at the stack in front of him.

"Susan," he sighed as he watched the broken girl sit down, "have you ever believed in God?"

"No," she said quickly before composing herself to continue, "I mean my family went to church when I was a little girl but I haven't gone in years and I never really paid attention. I was well taught in school and I never fell into the trap of believing in god. Logic clearly dictates that there is no all powerful being watching over us. Tell me if there was someone so wonderful then why do people die, it makes no sense to explain the world in that way." He then stood up and walked toward a bookshelf.

"This is my bible," he said pulling out a book, "and from it I learned to answer many of life's questions. Through life i have discovered that there are two types of people: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says "All right, then, have it your way." Susan looked at him confused, "God's will governs the world we live in even if you don't believe in him. Susan maybe he has never shown himself to you because you've never wanted him too. He has let you have things your way up to this point in your life and it seems though now he is determined to show himself to you whether you like it or not."

"Then he killed my family because I don't believe in him?" Susan scoffed, "I just don't believe that the loving god that is taught about in church would do such a thing. My family died because the train slipped the tracks, that's the only way to explain it."

"No God didn't kill your family and it wasn't just a train accident," He responded, "you see though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not. He loves you Susan though you reject him, and through life you will discover that when people die it is because they have run their race and the days of their life were spent and since they were done they were able to enter into the joy of a world without pain."

"But then how could he let me hurt so much if he really cared," Susan said as tears entered her eyes, "If he is real then why doesn't he comfort me now?"

"Susan," Lewis looked down, "We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ''Blessed are they that mourn." But In the end of our suffering there will be joy as we are given the strength to pass through it all."

"Well I don't have any strength left," Susan said standing up and walking toward the door before turning around and saying, "I am selling the estate I inherited if your interested it's where those fantasies got started. I'm going to move to America, the place where my mind first cleared and where I first truly discovered the foolishness of a child's imaginations."

"Susan I wish you all the best in the world and I know Peter would too if he were still here," With that Professor Lewis sat back at his desk, "I let you go with these parting words. Dig deeper in your heart and you'll know the truth of what is haunting you." She said her goodbyes before leaving the house for the last time. She wasn't going to go through this anymore. England had torn everything from her and she hated it.

* * *

She boarded the train headed for the country on her last journey out there. Once she left that place she had no intention of returning. She stayed awake through the entire journey too sacred to sleep and too scared to see what laid inside her subconscious mind. She was going insane trying to block these "memories" of Narnia. She didn't want the pain that came with them, she didn't want to face the fear of getting swallowed by the things that had passed. Her heart fought with her head as it wanted the memories she blocked from her mind.

_I still remember the world from the eyes of a child_

The wind seemed to sing to her through the window of the train.

_Where has my heart gone,  
An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing else_

She blocked the sounds out of her mind and looked out the window. There in the distance she thought she saw a Lion and a little girl standing on the hillside. She turned away wishing for peace.

_Where has my heart gone  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
I want to go back to believing in everything..._

"I can't," she whispered as tears flowed out of her eyes.

* * *

She stepped off the train and was greeted by no one. There was no Mrs. Mcready to drive her back in the little horse carriage this time and no one to greet her. She hadn't heard from Alex since their argument and the distance between them did heart a bit but her heart had been hurting for so long she barely acknowledged it.

The large looming home didn't comfort her, nor did the greeting of the caretaker. She was numb and alone. She walked into her room and saw something lying on the bed, a picture frame and when she flipped it over she was stunned, the broken heart she had been trying to hold together was shattered once again as the truth of what she had really lost hit her like a thousand pounds of hard cold brick. A memory flowed into her mind that she couldn't deny with the proof if it sitting in her hands and in that moment she hated herself more than anything else. She had laid everything she was aside as time had gone on and now she would never get it back because of her own foolishness.

* * *

**Hmmm. The end is near. It feels good to be almost done. I had some fun with the chapter even though it is kinda short. I incorporated some real quotes from CS Lewis in his conversation with Susan. I felt that at that moment the talk of God wouldn't be uncalled for, it kinda fit the spirit of the story in my opinion since it is about rejection and rediscovery. It made sense that if Susan had rejected Narnia than she had also rejected belief in God.**

**SO now I say please REVIEW!! REVIEW!! I got no reviews last chaper and it was sad so REVIEW!  
**

**-WintersChill.  
**


	16. Understanding and Undeserving

**It's so close to the end, I think this might be the second to the last chapter then we will have an Epilogue! Please stay tuned until then, it's almost the moment you've all be waiting for.**

**

* * *

**

"I heard Susan was back in town," The words barely escaped his sister's lips when Alex ran from the room toward the door of the house. He had been so worried about Susan for the past few weeks, if there was any chance for him to see her he had to take it.

She had been in such grief and pain the last time he saw her and now he needed to know if she was alright. She had to be alright!

* * *

"My sister told me that the caretaker said you were back," Alex said to the still form of Susan sitting on the couch in the living room. Susan didn't respond she just clutched a picture of something. Alex walked over to her and touched her shoulder.

"No," Susan said, "I'm not back. I'm lost and alone and I'm growing afraid. I can't see myself anymore." She dropped what she was holding and the sound of shattering glass filled the house as the frame hit the floor. Alex picked it up to see a small painting of four children. A caption beneath it reading T_he four Kings and Queens of Narnia. A gift to Queen Susan the Gentle, our beloved queen on her 23 birthday. May you live a long and happy life._ Alex was a little stunned by the painting, the wood was golden and it was more beautiful than anything he had seen around this world. He knew immediately that it must have come from Narnia, Susan was still 21 in there world, but what was it doing here?

"Do you see the truth now?" he asked her.

"The truth?" she said looking at him with tears in her eyes, "the truth that I've lost everything that I was sup-post to hold dear? The truth that I will never be whole again? The truth that my blindness has now led to my ruin?"

"Susan there's still a chance..." he begun.

"A chance for what?" she yelled, "I left it all behind for a reason because I knew there was no chance. And as long as it's not real it doesn't hurt as much."

"You can't just go on like that!" Alex protested grabbing her arm.

"And why not?" she yelled, "They're gone! They're all gone! And I've been alone all this time trying so hard to face the world! I can't do this anymore, I can't look at the past! I have to leave it all behind or else it will kill me!"

"Susan!" he yelled breaking through her speech, "there has to be a way for you to get back. Please try hard to remember."

"I can't," she said pushing him away, "just leave me alone! I don't remember!"

* * *

He looked back at the house as he walked on toward his own home, he cared so much about her and yet he couldn't seem to break through to her. He didn't know what to do anymore, maybe it was time for him to move on and stop trying. But how could he? Susan was so much more to him than anyone else had ever been.

As he walked along the path he noticed the rain that had begun to fall. He had seen too much of tears and rain. He longed for the green grass and lush fields of Narnia just as much as Peter had before he died for Alex had once had his own adventure in the wonderful world as well. It was there that he learned for the Kings and Queens that once ruled Narnia and after that he had returned to England only to find that the children were alive here. He and Peter had become friends as Alex had told him of his adventure.

Alex to had been told he would have to live his own life and he had almost rejected Narnia but in the end he had realized that this would lead to unending pain. So he had waited in his life for Narnia to call him once again and now he saw Susan suffering from the pain he had almost fallen into. He could not bring himself to leave her alone like she wanted. He would tell her everything now, he had to end this! Susan needed to know that Narnia was real and that he had been there. He turned from the beaten road and ran back the way he had come ignoring the rain! He had to get back and he had to tell her the truth. He loved her too much to let her go down without fighting for her again. This was a battle he had to win, for the soul of Susan.

* * *

Susan walked through the groves around the house one last time. Thunder sounded and she realized a storm was coming. She walked on almost methodically not knowing what had begun to come over her. She wanted something she could never have and she wouldn't be denied anymore, she would deny it. She was alone and afraid.

As the rain started to drizzle down from the sky she saw a shady grove where she could possibly wait it out but she didn't move toward it. She stood in the rain letting it wash over her and her troubles and cares. She let it fall like the tears the flowed from her eyes, for she had no control over either event. She had tried so hard to escape the shadow of Narnia but it seemed to follow her no matter what she did. What was in Narnia that was so special and why couldn't she remember everything if it was real?

As she walked on she saw something glowing in the distance. Soon she found herself walking toward it and when she reached it she picked it up. There she stood holding a piece of paper that simply said her name on it, it was a letter but who from Susan did not know. She was a bit confused as to how this was happening. As she opened the letter she saw golden writing on it.

This is what it said:

_You hold the answer deep within your own mind. Consciously you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works, whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us to entertain we reject it and erase it from our memories but the imprint is always there. Everything from the past you can't see will always be there._

_You see we're sup-post to try to be real. And I feel alone and we're not together and this is real. This is how I feel, this is how you feel. I want it to change. Please try!_

_The pain that grips you  
The fear that binds you  
Releases life in me  
In our mutual  
Shame we idolize  
To blind them from the truth  
That finds a way from who we are  
Please don't be afraid  
When the darkness fades away  
Dawn will break the silence  
Screaming in our hearts  
My love for you still grows  
This I do for you  
Before I try to fight the truth my final time_

_Can't wash it all away  
Can't wish it all away  
Can't cry it all away  
Can't scratch it all away_

_Lying beside you  
Listening to you breath  
The life that flows inside of you  
Burns inside of me  
Hold and speak to me  
Of love without a sound  
Tell me you will live through this  
And I will die for you  
Cast me not away  
Say you'll be with me  
For I know, I cannot  
Bear it all alone_

_Can't fight it all away  
Can't hope it all away  
Can't scream it all away  
It just won't fade away, No, no, no, no_

_Can't wash it all away  
Can't wish it all away  
Can't cry it all away  
Can't scratch it all away_

_Can't fight it all away  
Can't hope it all away  
Can't scream it all away  
O, it all away  
O, it all away  
It's always there  
_

_But the imprint is always there, nothing is ever really forgotten. Please don't reject me, please don't leave me because I'm dying to. I'm missing you, so much and I can't leave it all behind like I've tried to. I can't erase it all just like you can't erase it all, it's there and it will always be there! Please listen to me. Understanding that this is your legacy, this is who you are! PLEASE SUSAN! PLEASE! There's still hope. It won't ever leave, it will follow you! No matter where you run, no matter where you hide. You may loose it forever but you will never escape it's memory. We all still love you and we want you to come home. Please come home.  
_

_Lucy_

Suddenly like the storm around her a sea of memories flooded her mind breaking the barriers that she had tried so hard to contain them in. The walls crumpled and she saw herself as the queen of Narnia along with her siblings. She fell on her knees crying out as everything she had tried so hard to erase suddenly flooded her mind. It was real, just as she had begun to suspect, Narnia was real. And she had rejected it because she had been told that she would never see it again and it she knew that it would better to forget than to live on with the pain. But now she could not wash it all away, she could not wish it all away, she could not cry it all away and she could not scratch it all away. The imprint which had been laid on her heart the first day she stepped into Narnia had never left even when she had built her walls and broken her memories. She had believed that it had been erase but here it was.

"I've lost it all!" she yelled holding her head in her hands, "I remember! I remember the world! I remember! I remember! I remember!" She knew no one could hear her but her heart was crying out, surrendering to the memories that flooded her now. Fresh tears flowed from her eyes as the rain stopped around her. She had ran so far from it all she felt that she would never be able to recover it. She could not fight it all away, she could not hope it all away, she could not scream it all away, it just would not fade away.

She knelt there face in her hands, ashamed of what she had done and who she had become. She had denied what was most precious to her, her home and her family. She had run away from them in her attempt to run from Narnia and she had not seen how much it had hurt them to see her fall. She didn't realize the pains they felt every time she scoffed at Narnia claiming it was a childish game. And now she felt their pains and fears, there hopes and dreams as they tried so hard to tell her it was real. She never listened, not to Peter, not to Edmund, not to Lucy and not to Alex who had stayed with her through this prodding her to believe and never leaving her side no matter how many times she rejected him and Narnia.

She didn't notice the warm light that begun to surround her as the rain stopped and the sun began to shine. She was there between the trees when everything that had fallen apart now began to come back together.

"Susan," a warm voice said, "Susan." She didn't look up in her shame, she didn't want to see anyone. She felt a presence in front of her but still held her face in her hands, "look up Susan."

"I can't," she said.

"Why not," the voice asked.

"Because I have denied my king, my land and my family," Susan said as tears leaked from her hands to the ground, "and now I'm all alone."

"No," the voice said, "for you have seen the truth and you have returned to your first love. Look up Susan."

"Where has my heart gone," she said, "I'm trapped in the eyes of a stranger, and I can't go back to believing in everything. I remember it, I was told I would never go back."

"You were told that you would live in your own world," the warm voice spoke again, "and your heart somehow knew that once that life was over that you would return yet you rejected that. Now that you see the truth look up and be restored to your place!" The voice spoke the last phrase with such authority that Susan slowly did look up. In front of her a few feet away sat a great lion staring at her with saddened eyes.

"Aslan?" the word barely escaped her lips as the great lion roared and his breath washed over her.

* * *

**I know I'm horrible giving you a cliffhanger! I'm sorry! I just had to get this up! I want REVEIWS! I want to know how you feel now that the story is ending, It's getting close to the end.**

**-WintersChill  
**


	17. Realization and Restoration

**And so it goes...**

**

* * *

**Alex ran and ran until he made it to the house. knocked on the door and it was answered by Mr Walters, the caretaker of the grounds. He looked a little surprised to see Alex back here so soon.

"Good evening," Walters said, "again."

"Where is Susan!" Alex said urgently, "I must speak with her again. I don't care if she doesn't want to see me, she can't go on like this I have to see her. Please understand, I must see her!"

"Susan isn't here presently," the man said slowly, "she went walking in the grove a hour ago and I haven't seen her since..." Alex didn't wait for the man to say more he took off toward the grove, Susan shouldn't be left alone at a time like this. His heart raced at the thought of her possibly ending her own life or turning to the darkness that now surrounded her. He could not allow it to happen he must hurry. His heart pounded hard in his chest as he realized how much he loved her and how much he needed her to survive. As he ran in desperation and neared the grove he could see a light. Suddenly he felt something, a warmth that he had not felt for a very long time and as a roar sounded through the groves of trees he knew immediately, a heart had been redeemed.

All his fears were expelled in that moment.

The glow of Narnia had returned.

* * *

Susan closed her eyes as the lions breath washed over her and the sound of the roar filled her ears, she let it all soak through her mind taking over every fiber of her being. A renewing, refreshing wind blew through her. Her heart began to rest for the first time in years a peace began to fill her soul.

"Dear child," Alsan said as she looked at him through tear filled eyes, "you're free of the chains that bound you." Susan felt the weight of the past lift from her shoulders more real than anything she had ever known. The lion took a step toward her as she opened her eyes trembling before him, he stepped right in front of her and she was unable to contain herself anymore. She threw her arms around the lion burying her face in his mane and crying her heart out for the new found peace that had filled her heart and mind. When she let go she took a step back as unworthiness filled her soul.

"I am unworthy," she said to him, "you are the storm that has calmed my soul." The lion looked at her.

"All is forgiven," he said and she felt it as her heart became whole, "and all is once again restored, your life from this day forward will be filled with joy for you have discovered the truth." The light behind him increased as she felt love and warmth coming from him, Aslan had forgiven her and her legacy in Narnia would now be beautiful and no longer shameful.

"SUSAN," she heard a voice and she knew who it was. She turned to see Alex running toward her and suddenly Alex stopped and his eyes widened as a smile filled his face.

"Faithful child," Aslan said as Alex knelt before him in reverence, "Rise, for you have been steadfast and true even though it meant that you would have to wait a lot longer for the things you desired." Alex stood up and walked next to Susan, she slowly slipped her hand into his. It all made sense now, somehow Alex had known Narnia was real all along and that is why he had tried so hard to get her to believe. He had been there when she had no one even when she rejected him he was there.

"Though time is short for your lives are not yet over," Aslan began, "there are many who wish to see you before you return to your world to live our your days." Susan understood, knowing that there was still so much for her to do in her world before she was allowed to return to Narnia for good. Aslan turned to walk while Susan and Alex followed him into a small valley filled with fresh flowers. The stood their waiting but everything was still and silent. Aslan stepped into the middle of the valley and let out another large roar. Susan looked around and saw nothing when she turned back to Aslan behind him stood scores of creatures and people, she recognized many of them from her restored memories.

Fresh tears rolled down her face as the creatures paraded in a line before her, each saying it's greeting to her. Mr. Tumnas, The Beavers, Trumpkin, Trufflehunter, Horses, Dwarfs, Dryads, Centaurs, Minotaurs, Fauns and many other creatures. It took a long time to see the citizens of Narnia and after that they found themselves alone in the meadow again. When Aslan roared again many human citizens paraded before her. She saw Professor Kirk, Lady Polly, King Caspian X, Shasta, Avaris and many others. They all greeted her as the great Queen Susan the Gentle and in that moment she realized how much she had missed by ignoring Narnia. When everything was over the sun began to set over the hills.

"When the sun sets you both will be returning to the grove I took you from," Aslan said turning to them, "but before that happens there are three people who have cried for you a long time and now will be most joyous at your return." With that Aslan roared louder than before and motioned for Susan to turn around.

_I still remember the world from the eyes of a child_

She turned to see three figures moving toward her from the shadows of the trees and when they stepped onto the meadow she recognized them instantly. She could not contain herself for very long as she watched them walk toward her and she ran toward them, her strength increasing with each stride and they began to run toward her.

"Lucy! Edmund! Peter!" She yelled their names.

"Susan!" They all yelled her name at different times. Edmund was the first one to reach Susan and he jumped on her in one of the biggest hugs she had ever had from him. Lucy was next tearing through Edmund and grabbing her sister in one long embrace. When Lucy let go Susan turned to see Peter standing there with a huge smile, he hugged her and she let tears she had contained flow from her eyes.

"You've come home," Peter said.

"And I'll never turn my back on it again," Susan replied. When she let go of Peter she noticed the sun beginning to fade over the hills, "When the sun set's I'll be going back."

"For now," Lucy replied, "for your life still exists back there."

"But we'll come back after it all," they turned to see Alex had spoken as him and Aslan had approached the group of reunited siblings.

"Alex," Peter said with gratitude in his eyes, "take care of her."

"Can't she stay," Edmund asked with pleading eyes looking at Aslan. Susan laughed, Edmund was never one to beg for anything or even show his feelings about things. How much had she missed in those years?

"I'm afraid she still has to return," Aslan said to Edmund, "but as long as she holds true she will return here someday."

"We'll miss you Susan," Lucy spoke up, "but time will go by quickly for us."

"I'll never forget," Susan said putting a hand on her little sisters shoulder, "and I'll tell the world that believing is better than doubting. I will never again deny the truth no matter how silly it sounds to them."

"And you will never be alone," Aslan said motioning to Alex to stand by Susan's side.

"Never," Alex said taking her hand and looking into her eyes.

"And now the time has come to say goodbye," Aslan said breathing on them, "but only for now."

"Goodbye Susan," Edmund said.

"Bye Susan, I'll keep your room nice," Lucy said with a slight giggle between the few tears that were rolling down their cheeks.

"Take care Susan," Peter said giving her one last hug, "and always remember."

"I will," she said. With that Aslan breathed on her one last time, Alex and Susan closed their eyes and when they opened them they were in the grove. The rain had ended and the sun was shining clearer than it had shone in a long time.

* * *

"We will see her again," Lucy said turning to her brothers, "I am more sure of it than ever that she will never forget again."

"I know," Ed said with a laugh.

"What are you two talking about," Peter said in confusion.

"When Susan looked at Alex," Lucy replied, "there was a beautiful spark, they're in love!"

"And as long as they have each other they'll never forget," Edmund spoke up loudly.

"Alright you three," Aslan said turning to them. He had brought them into a meadow in between the two worlds to meet with Susan as it was impossible for her to go into Narnia until her life was over and it was impossible for the three children to go into their own world. Now it was time to take them back to Narnia. They all braced themselves as he roared loudly and they found themselves back in Cair Paravel, happier than ever for their sister would be coming home to stay soon enough."

* * *

"Susan," Alex said turning to her as they watched the sunset from a hillside on the landscape. She looked into his eyes with love and truth, there was a light he had never seen before dwelling there. She had truly been restored, "I love you and I've loved you since the first day I met you. I want to face this world with you, and I want to be with you on every step of the journey."

"I love you to Alex," She said grabbing his hands and kissing him. He was a bit surprised by her sudden action but he kissed her back. When they broke apart he knelt down.

"I don't have a ring yet or very much to offer you," he said, "but I am yours heart and soul. Marry me and we'll face whatever comes our way together."

"Yes," Susan said with tears in her eyes, "I love you." He stood up and wrapped his arms around her and as the sun faded in the background happiness overwhelmed them. A light shined within their souls greater than anything they had ever felt before, together they would face this world and together they would someday return to Narnia.

When they returned to the big house where everything had begun Alex kissed Susan one last time before leaving to his own home. He promised he would be back the next day.

They were married a month after that day, in one of the brightest and happiest weddings the countryside had ever seen.

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**It's not over yet. For my last chapter I plan to put an epolugue and another Narnian return. I'm going on vacation this weekend so I'm not sure when it will be up but stay tuned and please REVIEW!!! REVIEW! I want to know what you think about the story REVIEW!**

**REVIEW!**

**-Winterschill  
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	18. Forever and Ever

**Epilogue REVIEW!  
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**Susan and Alex went back to their lives living them with constant joy.

Susan didn't stop writing and soon she got a job in a country newspaper continuing what she loved despite her former discouragement. Alex continued his studies and finally got through medical school. Together they lived in the professors house. They hired a new housekeeper named Mrs. Smitch, whom was just as cranky as Mrs. McCready used to be when they were young.

They lived life together and though they never had children they were happy.

They watched in their lives as CS Lewis published the Chronicles of Narnia and they knew the stories would reach the world for many generations to come.

When they were old Alex went first leaving Susan in good spirits for she knew her time would come soon. When the time finally came for her she went in happiness leaving everything she owned to a small orphanage which would move into the large house. She had fulfilled many things in life an now her life was complete.

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Birds were singing everywhere as she opened her eyes to find herself standing in a great company of beings. Creatures and humans beyond count stood before her but the most striking one was the great lion. She took in the sight of Narnia once again knowing that she would never leave it now. She then saw Alex running toward her.

"I'm here!" She declared as he held her in a tight embrace. Next her siblings came forward all filled with joy for Queen Susan had returned and would never leave again.

THE END

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**Sorry if that is kinda a disappointing ending but I'm done with this story. I had fun writing it and I am happy that many people liked it! PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU LIKED THE END**!

-Winters Chill


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